Wait Til You See My Smile...

As the year is drawing very swiftly to a close, I'm getting my usual post-Christmas blues. I'm very frustrated right now...tryna count my blessings and seeing few. BUT...


BUT...I am healthy, I have travelled emotionally and spiritually...if not physically (*sigh*) from where I was this time last year and that is really something I am thankful for. It's amazing how much I tend to take little things like that for granted. I was so very ill last year and not employed in any meaningful way. Look at me now! I have a CV I can be proud of and I have my health. This time last year I was heartbroken and I didn't see anyway out. But look at me now! I'm collected and ready and I finally understand myself. That is a massive achievement for me. Honestly.

I can't lie, I do feel down. I feel like I am pretty far from the path I had planned out for myself. But if I had followed that path, I would still have some very poisonous people in my presence, I'd never have met some of the most amazing friends I've ever made and I'd have almost no stories to tell my (future) children!

Imagine--I've gained all of that in just one very short year and my gains have dried the tears of last year. Now my brow is no longer furrowed...and if my blessings continue in this way...just wait until 2011...oooooooooo-oooooooooooooo-oooooooooooo...!
...Wait til you see my smile!

NHS Changes: An Open Letter To The Con-Dems

Dear David Cameron,

cc. Nick Clegg

RE: Why don't you just kill us all now and be done with it

Have you realised that just across the pond people are fighting to get just a slice of what we have over here? A National Health Service is what I am talking about. A way to ensure that low income does not mean that being ill and/or injured is a sentence to total financial wipe out or worse, death. Since you have decided to break up the NHS and risk our lives by making changes that have ALREADY been proven to be ineffective; at a time where the country has no money, I was severely tempted to believe that the CON-DEMs loathe, this green and pleasant land, that you have been elected to serve.

Alas, I am way off the mark. What I have recently read has totally convinced me otherwise. No, no, it is apparent to me now that you just want us all to die. No one likes targets, I agree. And scraping targets does initially seem like a fantastic idea to cut red tape and leave the doctors to just do their job, right? But considering that you purport to be proponents of Free Market ideals, I am a touch baffled as to how you can scrap Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) like ambulance response times? I mean, timing how fast ambulances respond to calls seems very reasonable, considering that they are supposed to be fast. Is it not key to their job role? And GP waiting times and waiting times in A&E...two more reasonable requests to been seen speedily I'd have thought.

I mean have you ever waited hours for a GP appointment? Days and days because they can't slot you in? Or just waited for an eternity at the practice hoping to be seen realising you've missed a whole day of work because they are running too slowly? And...oh...no? Well I suppose not, you can afford a private practice and opt out of these kind of shenanigans. Well, have you ever been seriously ill, felt like crap, unable to get a GP appointment, told if its that bad you should go to A&E? Ever been told that what feels like a horrendous illness is not that urgent? Have you ever...sorry, what? No? Again? Well I suppose that also makes sense. After all, what private hospital worth its salt is going to allow you to wait, or turn you away as being no-urgent. Of course you're a valuable urgent patient if your paying, aren't you? I just thought that being attended to by an ambulance when you are quite ill within 20 minutes was a perfectly reasonable expectation.

I just wondered what the rational was behind the CON-DEM reasoning for these changes, after all I'd not like to condemn you all as uncaring and out of touch with the realities of the health service that we face...ooooooh, ok. You want to focus on quality of care. Well that does make sense, I salute you. After all, ensuring that I am not seen within 20 minutes of calling for an ambulance may not kill me if its not life threatening, true, and increasing my stress levels while I still don't know what is wrong with me will greatly increase the quality of care I receive. Ok. So should I just not call for help if I deem it necessary, take an ibuprofen and go back to work? Yep? Got it.

I totally understand. Obviously in a period of austerity the most value for money that I would receive is paying for an NHS that I cannot access due to prohibitively long waiting times. Unless you are dying. In which case, go ahead and try to access your NHS. I mean in that case they really don't have to see you within 4 hours of arriving at A&E all in the interests of promoting quality and patient safety. Obviously having to be seen within 4 hours is far too hasty. Plus if I die waiting, I'm no longer a patient of the NHS. I'm just dead. One less person to put a strain on the service. Fantastic way to deal with patient quality of care and service.

Also, I did think that Nick Clegg cared about the social welfare of this nation though, so I am slightly shocked about this...no? What? He was willing to sell out in exchange for actually being in power (something that has not happened for a Liberal Democrat in living memory)? But that doesn't make sense! Plus he held himself up as a beacon of integrity. Now all he has received is all of the flack and none of the (real) power, I....huh? Oh, ok...he was too stupid to realise that he'd signed his soul over to be condemned forever? Sorry, what? Sure...., I won't tell him, if you don't...

Thank you sooooo much guys for clearing that up for me.

Kind regards,

Just a thought...

The Abyss

It's the worst thing when you trust him
and he betrays you.
Not in the actions you expect,
nothing like that.
But in a fundamental way;
A seemingly insignificant way
A way that seems infinitely more
of an impossible chasm.
A complete betrayal of everything
you ever thought you had.

Magnolia Melancholia

Recently I have been suffering a severe bout of melancholy. Everything is just a bit blah, you know, boring, uninspiring, almost depressing like magnolia (hideous colour! *shudder*) And I think its unwarranted really.

mel·an·chol·y Adjective /ˈmelənˌkälē/

1. Sad, gloomy, or depressed

she felt a little melancholy

the dog has a melancholy expression

2. Causing or expressing sadness; depressing

the study makes melancholy is instructive reading

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am quite an emotional character. And this is in a time where we are taught that emotions are something to be embarrassed about. You know the rules: we should suppress it, embrace all appearance of toughness, maintain our stiff upper lip and remain stoic no matter what.

I used to subscribe to that philosophy too, until I made a life changing discovery...IT DOESN'T HELP. Disappointment and hurt are as much a part of life as joy and elation. Suppressed feelings come out sooner or later and I think the later they do the worse for you!

Deal with your problems; don't bury your head in the sand. Don't get it twisted, I'm not a fan of excessive wallowing and self-pity. Deal with your issues and move the hell on. Stop telling the world, his mother and his grandmother's best mate! Haven't you realised that the more you complain about it the less anyone cares?! Whatever it is--it shall pass.

Knowing that my melancholy spell will pass is helping to ease it already...So to anyone out there who is feeling like this--a bit blah. Just feel it, spend some quality 'me' time and SHAKE IT OFF.

Have a happy Wednsday y'all,


Adverse Weather Conditions

I have been too busy to blog recently (and I've been lazy, I must confess). But I seem to have some time on my hands because Greenwich Council have not gritted ANYWHERE. I thought I should take some time out of my (sparse) schedule to BITCH.

Errrrr, everyone knew that the snow was coming, right? We were waiting for it for at least a week. Almost disappointment when it didn't come on time. Then the absolute glee when it did because snow=day off work! Yay(!), except snow day was yesterday. WHERE THE HELL IS THE BLOODY GRIT ON THE ROADS? SNOW PLOUGHS, SOMETHING? No? Ok, so why the hell not?!


Sorry that was my Wednesday rant...done now.

(this is the view outside my living room window, brrrrrrrrrr *shivers*)

Music: D'Angelo

I'm taking in back in time a bit with this man, (former) heartthrob and musical genius. The former Mr. Angie Stone, had it going ON! Jheeeeeeeeeeez!

Now I know for loads of girls the Untitled Video is the essence, the be all and end all of Mr. Eugene Michael Archer. But I beg to differ. The dude had talent and in the sad way of many talented artists (think Lauryn Hill) their art and their talent become their downfall. He was a song-writer, producer, singer and played two types of piano, the keyboard, drums, guitar and bass guitar! But most chicks only remember him for his practically naked (and beautifully formed) abs on the video for Untitled, and the fact that everyone wanted the camera to drop lower, lol. Forgetting that that too was a beautiful song.

There are many debates that that video ruined D'Angelo, and he himself admitted to feeling under pressure after it came out. (for me the video is a very perv-worthy by-the-by) But with or without it, I'd still listen to the man. And it is a shame he has been basically in hiding since 2000. He has been charged with cocaine and marijuana possession, DUI, soliciting, reckless driving, and driving on a suspended license. His stints in rehab have also been well documented.But all I care about is his music--his honeyed voice and the music.

Please, sort yourself out and come back, D'Angelo. I miss you!

Now for my fab five...



And I love him on these two tracks:


Enjoy xXx
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You've been on my mind,
Your face is all I see.
But I know deep down inside,
That you don't think of me.
Inside me is a space
That I thought was made for you
But you then you back away
And punch me in my face...!

Back to the Future

I am back in Ghana for the first time in 6 years. This is my second ever visit and it feels so different coming back. It's funny that coming here aged 18 I was really impressed by my country. I think being born and raised in the UK, my family back home expected me to be wholly underwhelmed. People hyped up Ghana's negatives in an attempt to make the country seem better to me than they had advertised it to be. It seemed to me to be a ploy. A rather perverse way to make me fall in love with my heritage.

This strategy was misguided to say the least. I was more than ready to love Ghana. Contrary to popular belief (in Ghana), many of us abrokyirefuo enkola are more than ready to embrace the country of our parents. It helps give a sense of identity when living in a country (like the UK) where people forever ask 'where are you really from?'.

This return journey however sees me in a much different mood. I'm in Accra for a few days (which to me equals me being lost! Being from a pure Kumasiano family--don't judge me :P) am I'm taking a better look than the fleeting glance of a few years back.

All of a sudden I am not so impressed. It's like looking at a beautiful picture with cracks in it. As I've grown older I think I have become more and more invested in being a Ghanaian. I am emotionally invested in our sport (as you can tell), politics, language and culture. But the more invested I am, the more pain I seem to feel. It's like watching a child with 'so much potential' hit 30...and all that they have achieved is the title of 'the former child with so much potential'.

Arguments that diasporian Ghanaians should come 'back home' and set to rights their country have always erked me. Firstly, because in many ways for people like me it is no more 'coming home' that it is for any random African-American. It's just not really home. You see, you can never mistake home, love it or hate it there are particular emotions linked to the idea of home that separate diasporians from our 'home-grown' counterparts. Secondly, I think it is somewhat disrespectful to barge in and take over what you don't know. Who am I as a diasporian to Waltz in and decide my way is better? There is much to be said for local knowledge. It's priceless.

Nonetheless, I feel disappointed somehow in Ghana. There is a lot to be done and I feel like the country has stagnated. But there is also much to be hopeful for. There is a generation emerging who want to make a change; I want to be a part of that somehow. I need to find my place in helping to get it all done.

(First published on Life...and Living It)

Dashed Hopes

A game of two halves;
90 minutes and then some.
Then a cheat,
A miss.
The an arbitrary
but necessary competition.
A brave loser
A shocking miss and
The crushed dreams
And dashed hopes
Of a continent.

Uruguay players start celebrating while Asamoah Gyan, of Ghana, shows his devastation at missing a late penalty kick in extra time of the quarter-final at the Soccer City stadium.

(Clearly the football really hurt me, let's not talk about it...)

In Anticipation...

Yes, yes, yes! I am a football addict. FACT. There. I said it.

Now on to more important business...in less than 2 hours my country of heritage, GHANA will be facing the might of Forlan's Uruguay. To say I am nervous is an understatement. Being house-bound with my foster bro while all my peoples are out at the Ghanaian London spots...Gold Coast Norwood, Gold Coast Brixton, Ekubanz...WHERE EVER...I just wanna put it out there. I wish my BLACK STARS all the best. Win, draw or lose they have made me so proud. Right now, it's great to be a Ghanaian!

And just to keep that smile on your face...here's the 'Asamoah Gyan dance'...

Let's hope that by the end of today we still have a reason to smile :D
(First published on Life...and Living It)

World Cup Fever!!!!!!

Unless you are a hermit (get out more!) you could never pretend that you don't know that the biggest sporting event in the world is upon us: THE WORLD CUP!

I love football (Man United supporters can I get a whoop whoop!) and yesterday I nearly had a heart attack because the two teams I support for love ENGLAND and GHANA made it through to the last 16. WELL DONE BOYS! Especially Ghana, how many non-Ghanaians really believed that we could do that? The only African team to do so (so far...Ivory Coast still have a whisker of a chance)!

So I thought I'd share some of my fever with you with K'Naan's World Cup song...Waving Flag.


This Is My Testimony...Nsoromma's Story, Trouble Don't Last Always...

Here's the song I pilfered (and adapted) the title from...Mary J. Blige: Testimony

Since I wrote my last post my life has been a total whirlwind! But to re-cap, I handed in my notice at work at the end of last month. I was not happy. I needed a change, a push, something to bring me back to life. I stepped out on these feelings and decided to quit. Wrote a nice resignation letter to the boss and waited out my notice period. Funnily enough, the day I handed in my resignation was the same day I had quite a few application deadlines.

Anyhoo...about a week and a half later I get a call-back asking for an interview two days later! I immediately said yes, not even really realising what the job was for. But I did recognise that the end of that week would be my final day at work so I was still pushing for a new job (that ever-elusive career breakthrough role). I had two long back-to-back shifts in the two days before my interview and I started to get really worried that I would not have time to prepare. The day before the interview I worked til 10pm and got home near to 11:30. I was knackered and I had so much to do! I started panicking, called around for some interview advice to calm my nerves and then got stuck into my preparation in earnest. I hit the sack at 2.30am after a little 'God I've done all I can'; I just couldn't physically do anymore. My interview was for 10am and an hour-and-a-half away from where I live. This meant that, allowing for major calamities and time to settle my nerves, I needed to be out at 8am. Crap. And I was seriously lacking two nights worth of sleep. Double crap.

I woke up agitated and slightly nauseous. Oh and by the way my BB was in for repairs, so I didn't have the comfort of my phone to soothe me on my journey or to give me reminders to wake up, which was probably why I was so agitated when I woke up. At 7. After four-and-a-half hours sleep. Look I'm no Sankofa, I'm just not built for this. Anyhoo...I got there in good time. Prepared my answers and tried to will my palms to stop flowing rivers (it's so disgusting! I wish we still lived in an era when women wore gloves...). A nice lady takes me through to prepare for a presentation, 45 minutes prep for a 5 minute presentation. Crap, I didn't know about this. Nobody mentioned any presentation. I don't mind doing presentations but at least some forewarning! Crap, crap, crap, OH CRAP!

Ok, cool. Smile, shake hands, thank the nice lady. Crack a joke, make her smile. Now down to business. For the first 15 minutes I couldn't even understand the document I was reading. Calm down, start again. BREATHE. Ok, now I get it. No time to make use of the flip board. Just do it.

So I fumbled through the presentation. Smiled brightly where necessary. Answered all my questions. Didn't repeat examples, always used examples. Smiled some more. Looked all three panel members in the eye as I went along. Looked thoughtful. Clarified if I thought I sounded unclear. Didn't ramble (Yay for me! Because this is a particular habit of mine). Two small sips of water. Didn't fidget. Asked intelligent questions at the end. Was told that they would be in touch tomorrow. Smiled like a frigging simpleton. Shook hands firmly at the end (despite my sweaty hands *shudder*). Left the building. Pheeew!

Once I left I was nearly in tears. I just slumped at the bus stop for 20mins or so then made my way home. I felt horrible, exhausted and close to tears. I just kept thinking I hope my phone has arrived home by now, the only silver lining I could perceive. I got home to be greeted by my phone (yay!) and the anxious mother, oh joy. I muttered something unintelligible, skulked upstairs and crawled into bed. Fully clothed (minus the shoes). Had a good handful of texts and calls to see how it went. Ignored them nicely.

After sleep and food (up until this point I'd eaten nothing) I tried to gain some perspective. I could think of no one thing that should warrant my misery. I composed myself and prayed:

"Lord, if it is for me the let it be mine. If not then, I trust you."

I was a bit more upbeat after that. Misery does not become me. I shrugged it off and got on with life.

The following morning my brand new BB (Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!) woke me up with a private number call, in my best I'm-wide-awake-no-of-course-you-didn't-just-wake-me-up voice—I answered. The nice guy on the other end said he had just called to let me know that I had been selected for the role I went up for. Oh. That's nice. Pause. So, ummmmm, Nsoromma, would you like the job? Pause. Oh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, yes! Needless to say, the rest of the convo was a blur. The rest of the day was a blur. Thank you God. The following day was my last day at the old job. Thank you, GOD! HELLO, ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME NSOROMMA, THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Called the fam, friends, Pastor and well wishers. This is my testimony. I said it was my moment, I believed it and it was.


Love always,

Music: Lyfe Jennings

Did I ever mention that I'm a Lyfe Jennings fan? After being incarcerated for a little over ten years at the age of 14 for arson, he buried himself in his love for music and blew onto the scene back in 2003 about a year after his release from prison. Now that is turning your life around....Love the tone and quality to his voice, love his story, love his subject matter, love him! So here's a few vids and songs I like from the man, Mr. Chester Bamsu Jennings....

Cops Up

Hypothetically ft. Fantasia

Must Be Nice

S.E.X. ft. LaLa Brown

Never Never Land

Also check out 'Hmmm' and Warriors' from his 2008 album 'Lyfe Change'. I'm waiting for his new album to drop...exciting times!
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This Is My Moment...

The past few weeks, no make that the past month, has been a little rough for me. I kinna felt like I hit rock bottom in my job hunt, my faith was knocked and my confidence seriously blown. But I heard the most uplifting message at church this Sunday, it was one of those where you leave, feeling lighter in load and knowing that you needed that. God sent that message to me, straight into my heart. Looking around me there is just so much going on, My Sweet Potato's husband got a new job, FASM got a job, and my girl Afrocen' got into the game too. I'm so proud of them all because I know how hard we've all been looking. I handed in my notice at work; I'm finishing in a week. And although I know people are worried for me and I know people trying to worry me I'm cool. In fact, I'm better than cool. I feel great; I feel excited. I feel like a testimony is on its way.

So much this past month, and the past has tried to rear its ugly head. But I passed that test. I realised two days ago that certain areas of my past hold no sway anymore. And boy did THAT feel good! But it also alerted me to something. I dunno if anyone else has this, but do you ever feel notice that bad things from your past, things (or people) that block or ruin you path always show up around the time of your greatest successes and breakthroughs? Looking around me, looking inside me, I feel like great things are coming and I'm not about to let anything block this. Devil get behind me. This is MY time. This is my moment...

My Sister

I know I have been pretty down on the blog and in the real world to the poor people who are my friends (love you guys!). And although all that stuff is still pretty depressing. I just wanted to use this post to give a big shout out to my supportive friends (My Sweet Potato, Sankofa, FASM, Dodgy Boy, Foneshop Boy, Ms. Design, Ms Lawyerlady, Afrocentric, Kayobi, etc..) who have helped keep me out of the pits of doom and gloom somewhat.

But even more than that this is a shout-out to my family: my Mum, my Sister and my Cuzzy. Because, honestly, without their support I'd be finished. Cuzzy is always at the end of the phone to listen to my crap and sympathise. Bless my Mum, she is sooo cute cuz she has a 'secret' prayer list which I peeped the other night. And even though there is so much strain on our family at the moment, can you believe my job hunt is at the top of her prayer list?

But most of all: This is to my sister. She called me the other day and I ended up in tears describing my job hunt. She listened and offered me advice. And she was just THERE for me, you know? I'm not usually the type to wax lyrical about my family and I know I take them for granted, God forgive me. But this just needs to be said...


It's been said before that we should always remember to count our blessings. And my sister is one of the biggest blessings out there. Indescribable, incomparable. I don't know what my life would be like without my big sis, I shudder to think. I know I wouldn't be half as great as I am today without her. We are so very different but I can tell her anything and everything and she will always be there for me. I don't have a best friend, and I don't need one because I have my sister.

Love you girl!

Music: Musiq Soulchild

In my summer jamming session that London's mini heatwave is producing, I keep playing tracks by the legend Musiq Souldchild.I'm having a Musiq party right about now! So just so you can share with me some of this sun through your computer screens, here are a few fav Musiq Soulchild summer jams (well at least the ones with actual videos!).

Just Friends (Sunny) - Very apt, dontcha think?

Infatueighties (Also doubles as a sex song ;))

Girl Next Door

Teach Me

Forever Friends

We've grown up
And grown apart--
But you'll always be
In my heart!

Are You There God, It's Me Nsoromma...

Sometimes it just feels like your life has come up against a brick wall. And then the apathy takes over. I've been tryna stay upbeat and I feel like I've been doing my bit. I've been hardworking with these applications and I'm waiting on the results for these. But it's hard not to feel dejected.

I was always a good student, didn't coast overly much and applied myself to things I found difficult. Education-wise, I know I was held up at school and elsewhere as some to follow, someone to watch, someone going somewhere. This was never a goal and even though I can be annoying and stuff my ability was not something I
threw in people's faces.

But here I am post-education, it doesn't seem to matter that I worked hard, scrap that I worked DAMN HARD, that I never failed at anything, that I was a good student. I'm stuck in this shitty job with (some) people who never did a hard days thinking in their lives! With
(some) people who have no ambition and never excelled in their lives. WHY AM I STILL STUCK HERE?

I got a call from an agency on Monday and the woman told me I have unrealistic salary expectations. I just busted my ass getting a Master's, which by the way, is self-funded, bloody expensive and from a 'top', internationally renowned institution. And this fool is telling me I should expect a starting salary of £17,000, which is LESS than I was getting after I finished my degree. So my masters AND experience count for nothing. If I could have hit this fool through the phone....it's not like we are talking about jobs in which I had no DIRECTLY-RELATED experience...KM bloody T.

Seriously, are you
there God, it's ME, Nsoromma! Get me out of here!!!

Dear YOU...

For the first time in four years we actually spoke, REALLY spoke. For the first time in four years, your words were not like a slap in the face. For the first time in four years the conversation didn't end with me angry or in tears. It was a revelation; when you told me that I had hurt you. It wasn't soppy or cute, but one of those ones where you just kind of acknowledge that certain actions and words cut deeper than intended. I knew that, but I never thought you would say it. I actually had some insight into you. And I realised that I have missed you. Once upon a time, long long ago you were my friend, you were my rock, you were my confidant. It was like going back to the beginning, where we just spoke. There was no malice and no bitterness. You asked me things without an agenda and I answered almost freely. You gave me genuine advice and I detected no ulterior motives. If you ever read this, you'll know who you are. We were young and stupid and I'm sorry. Can we start over? I would really love to have my friend back.

Yours Sincerely,

I Melted Inside

We only met the other day,
But you really caught my imagination.
The way you talked and moved and laughed
Really caught my attention.
Then again to look at you--
Your not the usual type.
But after fun and frolics
And MOTD 2
We really got to talking.
It was so comfortable
And real
And unaffected.
When you held me close that day
And stared in my eyes
My insides got a little soft.
I have a confession to make
You thought I'd dosed off
When you kissed my forehead--
I had not.
And I heard every word you said
You said 'shit I really like you girl
much more than I thought
you really could be it'
And you thought I was asleep.
Not so.
I heard you loud and clear
And I melted inside.

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