Wait Til You See My Smile...

As the year is drawing very swiftly to a close, I'm getting my usual post-Christmas blues. I'm very frustrated right now...tryna count my blessings and seeing few. BUT...


BUT...I am healthy, I have travelled emotionally and spiritually...if not physically (*sigh*) from where I was this time last year and that is really something I am thankful for. It's amazing how much I tend to take little things like that for granted. I was so very ill last year and not employed in any meaningful way. Look at me now! I have a CV I can be proud of and I have my health. This time last year I was heartbroken and I didn't see anyway out. But look at me now! I'm collected and ready and I finally understand myself. That is a massive achievement for me. Honestly.

I can't lie, I do feel down. I feel like I am pretty far from the path I had planned out for myself. But if I had followed that path, I would still have some very poisonous people in my presence, I'd never have met some of the most amazing friends I've ever made and I'd have almost no stories to tell my (future) children!

Imagine--I've gained all of that in just one very short year and my gains have dried the tears of last year. Now my brow is no longer furrowed...and if my blessings continue in this way...just wait until 2011...oooooooooo-oooooooooooooo-oooooooooooo...!
...Wait til you see my smile!

NHS Changes: An Open Letter To The Con-Dems

Dear David Cameron,

cc. Nick Clegg

RE: Why don't you just kill us all now and be done with it

Have you realised that just across the pond people are fighting to get just a slice of what we have over here? A National Health Service is what I am talking about. A way to ensure that low income does not mean that being ill and/or injured is a sentence to total financial wipe out or worse, death. Since you have decided to break up the NHS and risk our lives by making changes that have ALREADY been proven to be ineffective; at a time where the country has no money, I was severely tempted to believe that the CON-DEMs loathe, this green and pleasant land, that you have been elected to serve.

Alas, I am way off the mark. What I have recently read has totally convinced me otherwise. No, no, it is apparent to me now that you just want us all to die. No one likes targets, I agree. And scraping targets does initially seem like a fantastic idea to cut red tape and leave the doctors to just do their job, right? But considering that you purport to be proponents of Free Market ideals, I am a touch baffled as to how you can scrap Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) like ambulance response times? I mean, timing how fast ambulances respond to calls seems very reasonable, considering that they are supposed to be fast. Is it not key to their job role? And GP waiting times and waiting times in A&E...two more reasonable requests to been seen speedily I'd have thought.

I mean have you ever waited hours for a GP appointment? Days and days because they can't slot you in? Or just waited for an eternity at the practice hoping to be seen realising you've missed a whole day of work because they are running too slowly? And...oh...no? Well I suppose not, you can afford a private practice and opt out of these kind of shenanigans. Well, have you ever been seriously ill, felt like crap, unable to get a GP appointment, told if its that bad you should go to A&E? Ever been told that what feels like a horrendous illness is not that urgent? Have you ever...sorry, what? No? Again? Well I suppose that also makes sense. After all, what private hospital worth its salt is going to allow you to wait, or turn you away as being no-urgent. Of course you're a valuable urgent patient if your paying, aren't you? I just thought that being attended to by an ambulance when you are quite ill within 20 minutes was a perfectly reasonable expectation.

I just wondered what the rational was behind the CON-DEM reasoning for these changes, after all I'd not like to condemn you all as uncaring and out of touch with the realities of the health service that we face...ooooooh, ok. You want to focus on quality of care. Well that does make sense, I salute you. After all, ensuring that I am not seen within 20 minutes of calling for an ambulance may not kill me if its not life threatening, true, and increasing my stress levels while I still don't know what is wrong with me will greatly increase the quality of care I receive. Ok. So should I just not call for help if I deem it necessary, take an ibuprofen and go back to work? Yep? Got it.

I totally understand. Obviously in a period of austerity the most value for money that I would receive is paying for an NHS that I cannot access due to prohibitively long waiting times. Unless you are dying. In which case, go ahead and try to access your NHS. I mean in that case they really don't have to see you within 4 hours of arriving at A&E all in the interests of promoting quality and patient safety. Obviously having to be seen within 4 hours is far too hasty. Plus if I die waiting, I'm no longer a patient of the NHS. I'm just dead. One less person to put a strain on the service. Fantastic way to deal with patient quality of care and service.

Also, I did think that Nick Clegg cared about the social welfare of this nation though, so I am slightly shocked about this...no? What? He was willing to sell out in exchange for actually being in power (something that has not happened for a Liberal Democrat in living memory)? But that doesn't make sense! Plus he held himself up as a beacon of integrity. Now all he has received is all of the flack and none of the (real) power, I....huh? Oh, ok...he was too stupid to realise that he'd signed his soul over to be condemned forever? Sorry, what? Sure...., I won't tell him, if you don't...

Thank you sooooo much guys for clearing that up for me.

Kind regards,

Just a thought...

The Abyss

It's the worst thing when you trust him
and he betrays you.
Not in the actions you expect,
nothing like that.
But in a fundamental way;
A seemingly insignificant way
A way that seems infinitely more
of an impossible chasm.
A complete betrayal of everything
you ever thought you had.

Magnolia Melancholia

Recently I have been suffering a severe bout of melancholy. Everything is just a bit blah, you know, boring, uninspiring, almost depressing like magnolia (hideous colour! *shudder*) And I think its unwarranted really.

mel·an·chol·y Adjective /ˈmelənˌkälē/

1. Sad, gloomy, or depressed

she felt a little melancholy

the dog has a melancholy expression

2. Causing or expressing sadness; depressing

the study makes melancholy is instructive reading

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am quite an emotional character. And this is in a time where we are taught that emotions are something to be embarrassed about. You know the rules: we should suppress it, embrace all appearance of toughness, maintain our stiff upper lip and remain stoic no matter what.

I used to subscribe to that philosophy too, until I made a life changing discovery...IT DOESN'T HELP. Disappointment and hurt are as much a part of life as joy and elation. Suppressed feelings come out sooner or later and I think the later they do the worse for you!

Deal with your problems; don't bury your head in the sand. Don't get it twisted, I'm not a fan of excessive wallowing and self-pity. Deal with your issues and move the hell on. Stop telling the world, his mother and his grandmother's best mate! Haven't you realised that the more you complain about it the less anyone cares?! Whatever it is--it shall pass.

Knowing that my melancholy spell will pass is helping to ease it already...So to anyone out there who is feeling like this--a bit blah. Just feel it, spend some quality 'me' time and SHAKE IT OFF.

Have a happy Wednsday y'all,


Adverse Weather Conditions

I have been too busy to blog recently (and I've been lazy, I must confess). But I seem to have some time on my hands because Greenwich Council have not gritted ANYWHERE. I thought I should take some time out of my (sparse) schedule to BITCH.

Errrrr, everyone knew that the snow was coming, right? We were waiting for it for at least a week. Almost disappointment when it didn't come on time. Then the absolute glee when it did because snow=day off work! Yay(!), except snow day was yesterday. WHERE THE HELL IS THE BLOODY GRIT ON THE ROADS? SNOW PLOUGHS, SOMETHING? No? Ok, so why the hell not?!


Sorry that was my Wednesday rant...done now.

(this is the view outside my living room window, brrrrrrrrrr *shivers*)
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