Baring Testament

So Sunday was my boyfriend's birthday and they day I lost my mind. It's been a long time since I've been so thoroughly disappointed. I planned to spend the day with him and he told me that he would be at home all day so that was cool. Yay. I was ecstatic, as in pure euphoria. I've never been so damn happy to spend time with another human being IN MY LIFE. Like ever. Well as I say this I'm sure that I've probably felt close to this before. Really close but this was different. This was amazing, my heart was doing little running leaps and skipping every so often just thinking about this amazing quality time we were finally going to have together. My planning and preparation for this day had been in a word, crap. I mean end of the month/beginning of the month time is when all the direct debits come out and you realise that you must really get out of debt (this is not my portion, I am in the middle of sorting out my debt-free plan thanx to this blog). Nonetheless I gathered as much money (that I do not have) together as I could to try a give this boy something that shows how much I care.

At first I was gonna get him this really nice scarf (that a mate could get with a discount for me, can I get a hallelujah!), but then I realised he has something very similar. Darn it! Then I decided that I would send him a poem that I saw on Love Affair with Words which shows just how I feel sometimes when I'm with him but can't explain even half as eloquently. BTW, if you haven't please check out her blog, chick is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Honest. Anyway, I'm running around like a headless chicken finding a beautiful frame to put this amazing poem in. Then I find it, perfect size and everything! So i'm in my happy glow when I call Afrocentric and tell her a little bit of my plans for the day and generally give her my love as she's been feeling poorly (get well soon my sugar banana!). So I had texted him earlier to say I'd call after church so I call and get no response. Ok cool. I rush home and check what I have at home to cook, oh dear, nothing. So I make a reservation at a nearby(ish) restaurant that I can (just about) afford. I'm tidying up my house and singing along to Christiana Love and Kwaku Gyasi and miss his call by about 15 minutes. I call back. No response. Ok cool, turn my music back up and continue my happy caterwauling then my mum tells me she's off to work a night shift and I'll see her tomorrow morning. So I check my clock, an hour has passed since my call back. I call again, no response. *sigh* I'm starting to get a little irritated, I hate waiting. Plus he said he had nothing doing today so what the hell?!

To cut a long-ass story short, the little prick doesn't show and doesn't call either, even though my calls continue. No longer am I just seeing what's up, by the end of the night I'm just pissed off and upset and confused. Oh and did I mentioned, I'm seriously pissed off. His ass is soo lucky he never turned his phone off or cancelled a call or full scale war would have broken out.

Now I'm not (well at least I don't think I am) an unreasonable lass, sure on your birthday you are free to do as you wish. BUT, if you say you are going to see someone then the least you can do is let them know you can't make it. And if that someone is your girlfriend then it should be a call, an apology and an explanation. In that order. And to add some context for those of you who are still insisting I am being unreasonable, read this post add to that the fact that I haven't seen him in A MONTH even though we live pretty much in the same area. Now tell me I'm being unreasonable.

Herein lays stories of disappointment, embarrassment, confusion, self-loathing, pain and anger.

I haven't explained the self-loathing have I? Well put it this way...After all of that still
I love him. Fuckeries.