Baring Testament

I know I've been MIA. But sometimes you just need me time. Down time, so sorry. But happy 2012 everyone! This one is gonna be a good one! Something has been sitting on me about last year, and I wanted to share. Despite not being here much last year. it was a good year for me and I thought I'd mention some highlights...they'll put this year into perspective...

On 31st December 2010 at church a wrote a list of five things. Very specific, that I wanted to begin in my life. And as I get each of them I'll let you know on here. I prayed to God for them, and believed in him to answer my prayers.

One of the things I asked for was a permanent job by the end of 2011, paying a minimum of £30,000. Considering I was in my first job, post-masters, barely any experience, earning £21,000, in the middle of a recession, on a temporary contract, it seemed beyond far from where I was then. Plus I was due to be out of contract at the end of January 2011. The team was full, and my manager was advising me on where to apply for jobs at my level. Maybe earning slightly more. £24,000 including London weighting looked reasonable.

So following my prayer I started looking for jobs in the region of £27,000...ambitious for my level, but with London weighting of around £3,000, that would bump me up to £30,000...just about.

Then an AMAZING thing happened. Three positions opened up in my team. One at £21,000 and two at £32,000. My manager encouraged me to apply for the one at my level, I was doing well, practically in-post and pretty much guaranteed it.

I didn't apply for it. I applied for one of the £32,000 roles...and I got it. First choice candidate with the highest score in the interview and application. And I was expecting to get the job around December as I had put a time-cap on my very specific prayer...it came in MAY. Plus I get a travel allowance bonus. It's funny...I was scrapping around to JUST make the mark for what I had asked God for and he gave me just so much MORE!

Another prayer I prayed after having just broken up with my boyfriend was that I want to meet and know who my future husband would be by the end of the year. I started to date someone pretty soon in the new year who I had known since I was about 13...comfortable. He was nice, sweet, attentive and INTO ME. Like really. He seemed just so proud to be by my side. And he was God-fearing. PRAISE GOD.

But AMAZINGLY, I got back with this Ex from December 2010 (since blogging was SPARSE at the time, he has yet to be mentioned on here...). We didn't push our relationship. Or try to define it. After breaking up we went back to the basics of our friendship and it just seemed to grow from there. I never saw it coming. He just seemed to come out with it one day when we were talking, that he wants to be with me...and I just thought, yes. That was around April and we are STILL very happy together. Even more AMAZINGLY we both took it seriously, so much more than first time around. He is the first man to have ever been introduced to my family as my boyfriend and he has been very well received. And I have been invited to meet his family too...

And funnily enough, it has been easier this time. Which NEVER happens when you get back with an Ex. When we first got together I kind of saw him as a time filler. A nice guy but not the man of my dreams. I find it truly amazing that he seems to be everything I ever wanted. And not in the least who I expected him to be. I have never been happier.

THEN 30th December 2011, he PROPOSED. All of a sudden my mind flashes back to the prayer I made and I think 'Oh My Days, really?!'. Saying yes was the easiest thing I have ever done.

God gave me EVERYTHING last year, He is truly the best thing in my life. And all the good I have in my life can be traced right back to Him. 2011 was magical for me. And it looks set to continue.

I am TOTALLY psyched for 2012!!!!!

What did God do for you to psych you for 2012?

N.B. This title has me thinking an old song I used to love...and since sharing is caring. Enjoy Shade Sheist's Where I Wanna Be...

Now this is short sweet and breezy (kinna).

Named this G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T. after the following Changing Faces track that I've always loved.

This is how I felt finally after all the pain and hurt of my breakup in November 2009.

So leading on from that...a week or so ago I found out that the girl my ex cheated on me with and left me for has dumped his due to all his BMD (tr. Baby Mama Drama). When I was first told I kinna brushed it aside as unimportant.

But I've been thinking about it recently and I feel mildly ecstatic. Yes, I know its a bit of an oxymoron, but hey. That the best description I've got. Plus, I'm kinna talking to someone now, and I'm HAPPY in my life. So that makes it even better.

All of a sudden my heart doesn't shrivel into a prune at the idea of seeing him randomly. Yes, I've gained a few (or more) pounds since we split, and yes I'm not quite a millionaire yet (still working on it though), but I'm HAPPY. Even seeing him couldn't touch that!

So is it bad for me to glory in the fact that they split and at that to my lil' pile of happiness?

As the year is drawing very swiftly to a close, I'm getting my usual post-Christmas blues. I'm very frustrated right now...tryna count my blessings and seeing few. BUT...

BUT...I am healthy, I have travelled emotionally and spiritually...if not physically (*sigh*) from where I was this time last year and that is really something I am thankful for. It's amazing how much I tend to take little things like that for granted. I was so very ill last year and not employed in any meaningful way. Look at me now! I have a CV I can be proud of and I have my health. This time last year I was heartbroken and I didn't see anyway out. But look at me now! I'm collected and ready and I finally understand myself. That is a massive achievement for me. Honestly.

I can't lie, I do feel down. I feel like I am pretty far from the path I had planned out for myself. But if I had followed that path, I would still have some very poisonous people in my presence, I'd never have met some of the most amazing friends I've ever made and I'd have almost no stories to tell my (future) children!

Imagine--I've gained all of that in just one very short year and my gains have dried the tears of last year. Now my brow is no longer furrowed...and if my blessings continue in this way...just wait until 2011...oooooooooo-oooooooooooooo-oooooooooooo...!

...Wait til you see my smile!

cc. Nick Clegg

Have you realised that just across the pond people are fighting to get just a slice of what we have over here? A National Health Service is what I am talking about. A way to ensure that low income does not mean that being ill and/or injured is a sentence to total financial wipe out or worse, death. Since you have decided to break up the NHS and risk our lives by making changes that have ALREADY been proven to be ineffective; at a time where the country has no money, I was severely tempted to believe that the CON-DEMs loathe, this green and pleasant land, that you have been elected to serve.

Alas, I am way off the mark. What I have recently read has totally convinced me otherwise. No, no, it is apparent to me now that you just want us all to die. No one likes targets, I agree. And scraping targets does initially seem like a fantastic idea to cut red tape and leave the doctors to just do their job, right? But considering that you purport to be proponents of Free Market ideals, I am a touch baffled as to how you can scrap Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) like ambulance response times? I mean, timing how fast ambulances respond to calls seems very reasonable, considering that they are supposed to be fast. Is it not key to their job role? And GP waiting times and waiting times in A&E...two more reasonable requests to been seen speedily I'd have thought.

I mean have you ever waited hours for a GP appointment? Days and days because they can't slot you in? Or just waited for an eternity at the practice hoping to be seen realising you've missed a whole day of work because they are running too slowly? And...oh...no? Well I suppose not, you can afford a private practice and opt out of these kind of shenanigans. Well, have you ever been seriously ill, felt like crap, unable to get a GP appointment, told if its that bad you should go to A&E? Ever been told that what feels like a horrendous illness is not that urgent? Have you ever...sorry, what? No? Again? Well I suppose that also makes sense. After all, what private hospital worth its salt is going to allow you to wait, or turn you away as being no-urgent. Of course you're a valuable urgent patient if your paying, aren't you? I just thought that being attended to by an ambulance when you are quite ill within 20 minutes was a perfectly reasonable expectation.

I just wondered what the rational was behind the CON-DEM reasoning for these changes, after all I'd not like to condemn you all as uncaring and out of touch with the realities of the health service that we face...ooooooh, ok. You want to focus on quality of care. Well that does make sense, I salute you. After all, ensuring that I am not seen within 20 minutes of calling for an ambulance may not kill me if its not life threatening, true, and increasing my stress levels while I still don't know what is wrong with me will greatly increase the quality of care I receive. Ok. So should I just not call for help if I deem it necessary, take an ibuprofen and go back to work? Yep? Got it.

I totally understand. Obviously in a period of austerity the most value for money that I would receive is paying for an NHS that I cannot access due to prohibitively long waiting times. Unless you are dying. In which case, go ahead and try to access your NHS. I mean in that case they really don't have to see you within 4 hours of arriving at A&E all in the interests of promoting quality and patient safety. Obviously having to be seen within 4 hours is far too hasty. Plus if I die waiting, I'm no longer a patient of the NHS. I'm just dead. One less person to put a strain on the service. Fantastic way to deal with patient quality of care and service.

Also, I did think that Nick Clegg cared about the social welfare of this nation though, so I am slightly shocked about this...no? What? He was willing to sell out in exchange for actually being in power (something that has not happened for a Liberal Democrat in living memory)? But that doesn't make sense! Plus he held himself up as a beacon of integrity. Now all he has received is all of the flack and none of the (real) power, I....huh? Oh, ok...he was too stupid to realise that he'd signed his soul over to be condemned forever? Sorry, what? Sure...., I won't tell him, if you don't...

It's the worst thing when you trust him

and he betrays you.

Not in the actions you expect,

nothing like that.

But in a fundamental way;

A seemingly insignificant way

A way that seems infinitely more

of an impossible chasm.

A complete betrayal of everything

you ever thought you had.

Recently I have been suffering a severe bout of melancholy. Everything is just a bit blah, you know, boring, uninspiring, almost depressing like magnolia (hideous colour! *shudder*) And I think its unwarranted really.

I used to subscribe to that philosophy too, until I made a life changing discovery...IT DOESN'T HELP. Disappointment and hurt are as much a part of life as joy and elation. Suppressed feelings come out sooner or later and I think the later they do the worse for you!

Deal with your problems; don't bury your head in the sand. Don't get it twisted, I'm not a fan of excessive wallowing and self-pity. Deal with your issues and move the hell on. Stop telling the world, his mother and his grandmother's best mate! Haven't you realised that the more you complain about it the less anyone cares?! Whatever it is--it shall pass.

Knowing that my melancholy spell will pass is helping to ease it already...So to anyone out there who is feeling like this--a bit blah. Just feel it, spend some quality 'me' time and SHAKE IT OFF.

Have a happy Wednsday y'all,

xXx