Showing posts with label growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growth. Show all posts

Best Thing In My Life

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens
Hi all,

I know I've been MIA. But sometimes you just need me time. Down time, so sorry. But happy 2012 everyone! This one is gonna be a good one! Something has been sitting on me about last year, and I wanted to share. Despite not being here much last year. it was a good year for me and I thought I'd mention some highlights...they'll put this year into perspective...

On 31st December 2010 at church a wrote a list of five things. Very specific, that I wanted to begin in my life. And as I get each of them I'll let you know on here. I prayed to God for them, and believed in him to answer my prayers.

One of the things I asked for was a permanent job by the end of 2011, paying a minimum of £30,000. Considering I was in my first job, post-masters, barely any experience, earning £21,000, in the middle of a recession, on a temporary contract, it seemed beyond far from where I was then. Plus I was due to be out of contract at the end of January 2011. The team was full, and my manager was advising me on where to apply for jobs at my level. Maybe earning slightly more. £24,000 including London weighting looked reasonable.

So following my prayer I started looking for jobs in the region of £27,000...ambitious for my level, but with London weighting of around £3,000, that would bump me up to £30,000...just about.

Then an AMAZING thing happened. Three positions opened up in my team. One at £21,000 and two at £32,000. My manager encouraged me to apply for the one at my level, I was doing well, practically in-post and pretty much guaranteed it.

I didn't apply for it. I applied for one of the £32,000 roles...and I got it. First choice candidate with the highest score in the interview and application. And I was expecting to get the job around December as I had put a time-cap on my very specific prayer...it came in MAY. Plus I get a travel allowance bonus. It's funny...I was scrapping around to JUST make the mark for what I had asked God for and he gave me just so much MORE!

Another prayer I prayed after having just broken up with my boyfriend was that I want to meet and know who my future husband would be by the end of the year. I started to date someone pretty soon in the new year who I had known since I was about 13...comfortable. He was nice, sweet, attentive and INTO ME. Like really. He seemed just so proud to be by my side. And he was God-fearing. PRAISE GOD.

But then something AWFUL happened...I just clean went off him. Like completely. For no apparent reason. And he tried everything, and he tried SO HARD, to keep it going. But it died. Just like that.

In the meantime I was still in contact with a couple of ex's (I must stress, this was NOT in any way other than as friends from a distance), including the one I broke up with in December 2010. One from a few years ago, who is in his early 30s starts talking about settling down. A few months later he's clear its me he wants to settle with and starts trying to make a play for me. Then someone else I was crushing on HARD in 2010 starts talking the settling down line...

But AMAZINGLY, I got back with this Ex from December 2010 (since blogging was SPARSE at the time, he has yet to be mentioned on here...). We didn't push our relationship. Or try to define it. After breaking up we went back to the basics of our friendship and it just seemed to grow from there. I never saw it coming. He just seemed to come out with it one day when we were talking, that he wants to be with me...and I just thought, yes. That was around April and we are STILL very happy together. Even more AMAZINGLY we both took it seriously, so much more than first time around. He is the first man to have ever been introduced to my family as my boyfriend and he has been very well received. And I have been invited to meet his family too...

And funnily enough, it has been easier this time. Which NEVER happens when you get back with an Ex. When we first got together I kind of saw him as a time filler. A nice guy but not the man of my dreams. I find it truly amazing that he seems to be everything I ever wanted. And not in the least who I expected him to be. I have never been happier.

THEN 30th December 2011, he PROPOSED. All of a sudden my mind flashes back to the prayer I made and I think 'Oh My Days, really?!'. Saying yes was the easiest thing I have ever done.

God gave me EVERYTHING last year, He is truly the best thing in my life. And all the good I have in my life can be traced right back to Him. 2011 was magical for me. And it looks set to continue.




I am TOTALLY psyched for 2012!!!!!


What did God do for you to psych you for 2012?
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Wait Til You See My Smile...

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens
As the year is drawing very swiftly to a close, I'm getting my usual post-Christmas blues. I'm very frustrated right now...tryna count my blessings and seeing few. BUT...

BUT...

BUT...I am healthy, I have travelled emotionally and spiritually...if not physically (*sigh*) from where I was this time last year and that is really something I am thankful for. It's amazing how much I tend to take little things like that for granted. I was so very ill last year and not employed in any meaningful way. Look at me now! I have a CV I can be proud of and I have my health. This time last year I was heartbroken and I didn't see anyway out. But look at me now! I'm collected and ready and I finally understand myself. That is a massive achievement for me. Honestly.

I can't lie, I do feel down. I feel like I am pretty far from the path I had planned out for myself. But if I had followed that path, I would still have some very poisonous people in my presence, I'd never have met some of the most amazing friends I've ever made and I'd have almost no stories to tell my (future) children!

Imagine--I've gained all of that in just one very short year and my gains have dried the tears of last year. Now my brow is no longer furrowed...and if my blessings continue in this way...just wait until 2011...oooooooooo-oooooooooooooo-oooooooooooo...!
...Wait til you see my smile!

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Magnolia Melancholia

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens

Recently I have been suffering a severe bout of melancholy. Everything is just a bit blah, you know, boring, uninspiring, almost depressing like magnolia (hideous colour! *shudder*) And I think its unwarranted really.

mel·an·chol·y Adjective /ˈmelÉ™nËŒkälÄ“/

1. Sad, gloomy, or depressed

she felt a little melancholy

the dog has a melancholy expression

2. Causing or expressing sadness; depressing

the study makes melancholy is instructive reading


Anyone who knows me, knows that I am quite an emotional character. And this is in a time where we are taught that emotions are something to be embarrassed about. You know the rules: we should suppress it, embrace all appearance of toughness, maintain our stiff upper lip and remain stoic no matter what.

I used to subscribe to that philosophy too, until I made a life changing discovery...IT DOESN'T HELP. Disappointment and hurt are as much a part of life as joy and elation. Suppressed feelings come out sooner or later and I think the later they do the worse for you!

Deal with your problems; don't bury your head in the sand. Don't get it twisted, I'm not a fan of excessive wallowing and self-pity. Deal with your issues and move the hell on. Stop telling the world, his mother and his grandmother's best mate! Haven't you realised that the more you complain about it the less anyone cares?! Whatever it is--it shall pass.

Knowing that my melancholy spell will pass is helping to ease it already...So to anyone out there who is feeling like this--a bit blah. Just feel it, spend some quality 'me' time and SHAKE IT OFF.

Have a happy Wednsday y'all,

xXx
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Back to the Future

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens

I am back in Ghana for the first time in 6 years. This is my second ever visit and it feels so different coming back. It's funny that coming here aged 18 I was really impressed by my country. I think being born and raised in the UK, my family back home expected me to be wholly underwhelmed. People hyped up Ghana's negatives in an attempt to make the country seem better to me than they had advertised it to be. It seemed to me to be a ploy. A rather perverse way to make me fall in love with my heritage.

This strategy was misguided to say the least. I was more than ready to love Ghana. Contrary to popular belief (in Ghana), many of us abrokyirefuo enkola are more than ready to embrace the country of our parents. It helps give a sense of identity when living in a country (like the UK) where people forever ask 'where are you really from?'.

This return journey however sees me in a much different mood. I'm in Accra for a few days (which to me equals me being lost! Being from a pure Kumasiano family--don't judge me :P) am I'm taking a better look than the fleeting glance of a few years back.

All of a sudden I am not so impressed. It's like looking at a beautiful picture with cracks in it. As I've grown older I think I have become more and more invested in being a Ghanaian. I am emotionally invested in our sport (as you can tell), politics, language and culture. But the more invested I am, the more pain I seem to feel. It's like watching a child with 'so much potential' hit 30...and all that they have achieved is the title of 'the former child with so much potential'.

Arguments that diasporian Ghanaians should come 'back home' and set to rights their country have always erked me. Firstly, because in many ways for people like me it is no more 'coming home' that it is for any random African-American. It's just not really home. You see, you can never mistake home, love it or hate it there are particular emotions linked to the idea of home that separate diasporians from our 'home-grown' counterparts. Secondly, I think it is somewhat disrespectful to barge in and take over what you don't know. Who am I as a diasporian to Waltz in and decide my way is better? There is much to be said for local knowledge. It's priceless.

Nonetheless, I feel disappointed somehow in Ghana. There is a lot to be done and I feel like the country has stagnated. But there is also much to be hopeful for. There is a generation emerging who want to make a change; I want to be a part of that somehow. I need to find my place in helping to get it all done.

(First published on Life...and Living It)
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This Is My Testimony...Nsoromma's Story, Trouble Don't Last Always...

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens
Here's the song I pilfered (and adapted) the title from...Mary J. Blige: Testimony

Since I wrote my last post my life has been a total whirlwind! But to re-cap, I handed in my notice at work at the end of last month. I was not happy. I needed a change, a push, something to bring me back to life. I stepped out on these feelings and decided to quit. Wrote a nice resignation letter to the boss and waited out my notice period. Funnily enough, the day I handed in my resignation was the same day I had quite a few application deadlines.

Anyhoo...about a week and a half later I get a call-back asking for an interview two days later! I immediately said yes, not even really realising what the job was for. But I did recognise that the end of that week would be my final day at work so I was still pushing for a new job (that ever-elusive career breakthrough role). I had two long back-to-back shifts in the two days before my interview and I started to get really worried that I would not have time to prepare. The day before the interview I worked til 10pm and got home near to 11:30. I was knackered and I had so much to do! I started panicking, called around for some interview advice to calm my nerves and then got stuck into my preparation in earnest. I hit the sack at 2.30am after a little 'God I've done all I can'; I just couldn't physically do anymore. My interview was for 10am and an hour-and-a-half away from where I live. This meant that, allowing for major calamities and time to settle my nerves, I needed to be out at 8am. Crap. And I was seriously lacking two nights worth of sleep. Double crap.


I woke up agitated and slightly nauseous. Oh and by the way my BB was in for repairs, so I didn't have the comfort of my phone to soothe me on my journey or to give me reminders to wake up, which was probably why I was so agitated when I woke up. At 7. After four-and-a-half hours sleep. Look I'm no Sankofa, I'm just not built for this. Anyhoo...I got there in good time. Prepared my answers and tried to will my palms to stop flowing rivers (it's so disgusting! I wish we still lived in an era when women wore gloves...). A nice lady takes me through to prepare for a presentation, 45 minutes prep for a 5 minute presentation. Crap, I didn't know about this. Nobody mentioned any presentation. I don't mind doing presentations but at least some forewarning! Crap, crap, crap, OH CRAP!

Ok, cool. Smile, shake hands, thank the nice lady. Crack a joke, make her smile. Now down to business. For the first 15 minutes I couldn't even understand the document I was reading. Calm down, start again. BREATHE. Ok, now I get it. No time to make use of the flip board. Just do it.

So I fumbled through the presentation. Smiled brightly where necessary. Answered all my questions. Didn't repeat examples, always used examples. Smiled some more. Looked all three panel members in the eye as I went along. Looked thoughtful. Clarified if I thought I sounded unclear. Didn't ramble (Yay for me! Because this is a particular habit of mine). Two small sips of water. Didn't fidget. Asked intelligent questions at the end. Was told that they would be in touch tomorrow. Smiled like a frigging simpleton. Shook hands firmly at the end (despite my sweaty hands *shudder*). Left the building. Pheeew!

Once I left I was nearly in tears. I just slumped at the bus stop for 20mins or so then made my way home. I felt horrible, exhausted and close to tears. I just kept thinking I hope my phone has arrived home by now, the only silver lining I could perceive. I got home to be greeted by my phone (yay!) and the anxious mother, oh joy. I muttered something unintelligible, skulked upstairs and crawled into bed. Fully clothed (minus the shoes). Had a good handful of texts and calls to see how it went. Ignored them nicely.
GO AWAY.

After sleep and food (up until this point I'd eaten nothing) I tried to gain some perspective. I could think of no one thing that should warrant my misery. I composed myself and prayed:

"Lord, if it is for me the let it be mine. If not then, I trust you."

I was a bit more upbeat after that. Misery does not become me. I shrugged it off and got on with life.

The following morning my brand new BB (Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!) woke me up with a private number call, in my best I'm-wide-awake-no-of-course-you-didn't-just-wake-me-up voice—I answered. The nice guy on the other end said he had just called to let me know that I had been selected for the role I went up for. Oh. That's nice. Pause. So, ummmmm, Nsoromma, would you like the job? Pause. Oh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, yes! Needless to say, the rest of the convo was a blur. The rest of the day was a blur. Thank you God. The following day was my last day at the old job. Thank you, GOD! HELLO, ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME NSOROMMA, THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Called the fam, friends, Pastor and well wishers. This is my testimony. I said it was my moment, I believed it and it was.

THANK YOU GOD,

Love always,
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Forever Friends

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens


We've grown up
And grown apart--
But you'll always be
In my heart!

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Music: Anthony Hamilton

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens
This post is dedicated to the smooth Neo-Soul tones of the man, Anthony Hamilton. If you don't know; GET TO KNOW. Period.

I think this man's voice is beautiful. I mean literally the first time I heard him, I turned around to stare at the radio, like, woooooooooooooooah, who is THAT? I remember the first time I watched Coach Carter, I was grabbed my the theme tune to the film which is, Comin' From Where I'm From. I was so agitated by the haunting, sad and beautiful quality of the song I went on a mini mission to find it, and who did I find? None other than the magnificent Mr. Hamilton.

So I go the song, then the album Coming From Where I'm From then other albums and even went backwards to find him in the archives.

Now anyone who knows me knows I probably have too much music, seriously, I have to catch myself from time to time to stop it being an obsession. A very real obsession. So anyhooo my iTunes is shuffling through my Neo-Soul and this beautiful music comes out of the lappy to seduce my ears...Charlene. So i'm gonna give you my 5 favourite Anthony Hamilton songs, be warned they may well be sad, it's tear-shedding stuff!

Here we go:
PASS ME OVER
This song is so beautiful it used to make me cry.

DEAR LIFE

CHARLENE

CAN'T LET GO

SOUL'S ON FIRE
This helped we wallow then come through the worse break up of my life :(
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Happy Independence Day!!!!

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens


I have been strangely busy and thus a bit M.I.A. the past couple of months but I could not let today go by without a little message to wish my country, Ghana, and it's people a Happy Independence Day. However you chose to celebrate, please just remember that a struggle happened and some 53 years ago today Ghana, led by Osagyefo Kwame Nkrumah, become the first sub-Saharan African country to gain her independence.

And whatever our problems and difficulties, trials and under achievements we have come far, and have much to be proud of! And it is up to us Ghanaians now at home and throughout the diaspora to carry the baton and move us on.

GOD BLESS OUR HOMELAND GHANA,
AND MAKE OUR NATION GREAT AND STRONG.
BOLD TO DEFEND FOREVER,
THE CAUSE OF FREEDOM AND OF RIGHT.
FILL OUR HEARTS WITH TRUE HUMILITY
MAKE US CHERISH FEARLESS HONESTY
AND HELP US TO RESIST OPPRESSORS RULE
WITH ALL OUR WILL AND MIGHT FOREVER MORE.

Amen.
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Project 2010

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens

This refers to my goals for the year, I'm not really into resolutions as they are all a bit wishy-washy. But goals, goals indicate a real agenda, and when backed by vision and a plan, they make a brilliant combination. I dunno about you guys, but I always find New Year's goals particularly difficult to stick to as I loose impetus by mid-January, lol.

To combat my general lethergy (read: laziness) I started to make a plan and I intend to stick to it. Note to self: I really do need a diary for once in my life. So here are my goals and a little into my plans to achieve them.

A. Project debt-reduction
I have about £2600 in overdrafts, £250 in credit cards and £10,000 in Career Development Loan debt. I could go find my Student Loans Company and add that too but firstly, I do not earn enough for my deductions to have started yet. Secondly, in terms of looking at sorting myself this year this would be way down on the list, somwhere between 'impossible', 'I have run quite mad' and 'why should I give a hoot anyway?!'. Soooo, no. I think the best part of 13,000 is more than enough of a target.

I know compared to some, my debts are not that great and I am quite glad that I do not have loads of petty niggling debts but for me, this is a bloody mountain. Albeit it a surmountable one.

To get me started on my way to debt recovery a week ago I began to construct an excel spreadsheet which documents my current income and expenditure as well as my projected for the month. I'm quite proud of myself actually as it includes a weekly breakdown of expenses and it is quite realistic, including space for food, travel, bills, clothes and savings. As a politics and public policy graduate I spend my life writing and it is quite carthatic to complete a spreadsheet of calculations, while reminding myself I am not totally mathematically illiterate.

B. Project Re-employed
This title sounds slightly misleading since I am actually working. But to be perfectly honest I hate my job. Occasionally, I think I would rather sign on, they require the same amount of brain power. Until last year I could never understand how, or rather, why people get so upset about their jobs. You see up until last year I had only really suffered the pains of unemployment. But I discovered this past year what it feels like to be over-qualified and under-employed. It feels like crap. I think I spent a good chunk of last year being miserable about my employment status, so much so it came to a point where I said I was unemployed or refused to disclose the name of the company who happen to pay my wages. Lol.

But at church last week Pastor reminded my congregation to be thankful and basically actually recognise the blessings we have. Therefore, I recognise that I am blessed to be employed and able to pay my bills. HOWEVER, this year I am determined to progress from this point. By February I must have a new job and in order to get there I must be doing at least one application form and two CV/Cover letter applications a week. This is where the diary comes in handy. I need to break this down into a day-to-day thing in order to get this done. Also, my debt-free plan will work better in a high paid job, that gives me even more of an impetus.

C. Project Settle-Down
Lol! Interesting title, right? Well anyone who knows Nsoromma well will know that I am looking forward to being someone's missus someday in the not to distant future. However, that is not really what I am referring to! So don't get excited!

Whether I have a man in the picture or not, I am looking to round out my life in ways that I did not previously find interesting. I wanna really learn how to cook. Like a pro. Not just a Ghanaian pro, either. I wanna throwdown like a native Asian/African/European, whatever. I just now feel the need to get homely like that. I need to take better care of myself and think more about what I do so that when I am a wife and mother these things are not a burden.

It all links with my being eager to get a handle on my finances. It's mature and very necessary.

D. Project Volunteer
I've always had a soft spot for the idea of volunteering. I've basically been doing it since I was 16 in various ways. I believe you should give back to the community you came from in order to help improve your society. After all, you can't expect things to improve if YOU never do things to improve it. Last week I began to volunteer a few hours of my week to help with the admin work of my church office. Also, I am about to embark on a volunteering role for a young charity for asylum-seekers in a role I love. It's policy related!

E. Project Travel (like Ms. Lawyerlady!)
I do love Ms. Lawyerlady, even as she makes me sick! She's just about back after swanning off to Zimbabwe for a friends' wedding. In fact, my girl collects visas in her little red book like they are going for cheap. A little hobby of hers. But 2010 is my time to shine! Lol. I've not been out of the country at all in 6 years now. This must be rectified! Firstly, I know for certain that I'll be in Ghana this summer for my sisters' upcoming nuptuals. While there the ex wants me
to hop on over to Naija to visit. And just might do it. I'm going on a mini-break in February and my girl is arranging to go to Vegas in September. My deposit is already ready! Exciting days are ahead!

F. Project Get On The Road
Recently, I have been lamenting the fact that I cannot drive and do not have a car. So at the end of the month/early February I am booking a bulk of driving lessons. The sooner the better, having friends who live in the sticks in the opposite side of London is giving me a running cold and a serious lack of sleep. Transport links in South
London are soooo bad (I.e. We have no London Underground in SE!) And I'm fed up of being the last to get to places, late, and first to leave, last to arrive home. I spend half my life in the frigging cold. And in this Siberian weather I am distinctly unimpressed.

To work towards this I have begun a fund for a new car which either Foneshop boy or Dodgy boy are going to help me choose as I have zero useful knowledge of cars. Foneshop boy offered to help me save too but right now I'm not too impressed with him. But we'll save that for another post...

G. Project Stay Content
This is perhaps the most important project of all. While striving to improve my life I need to be positive and content. And the best way for me to do this has always been to stay close to my God. So that's what I'll do.

This year is gonna be a great guys. I hope it'll be as good for you.
I'll keep you updated on my goals periodically, so stay tuned.

Love ya!
Nsoromma...COTH xXx
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If You See Me On The Game With My Crew Believe I’m On My P’s & Q’s...

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens
I was listening to a playlist I have named Uni Days and this Kano song popped up...

I thought ok my life aint like that of the talented Mr. Robinson but I can relate to having to be on my grind in a way dissimilar to many that surround me. You better believe it! Time waits for no (wo)man and I am no exception. Recently, I have been wallowing a bit and revelling in the blah-ness but the year is fast approaching it's climax and I don't want mine to be an anti-climax. I gotsta get back on my grind! So in the past week I have revamped the CV (yet again) to take account of my new activities, details of which will drop in 2010. I am so excited and absorbed in the new direction of my life, thank you God. I'm getting in contact with people I have met networking which is a bit scary but I am thinking it will certainly be worth it and I am filing out these applications like a pro. I'm not there yet but 2010 promises to be great!

Kano's song brings to mind a conversation I had a while back with a guy I know who had a million and one excuses for being a wasteman. These included coming from a deprived area (mate, we come from the same place) and the 'system' being against him. Errr, no. He just needed to get his mind out of the 'hustler', street mentality that was keeping him bound to a life going nowhere, and I told him so. Needless to say, that did not go down too well but he needed to hear it. His bad attitude will never get him anywhere. You work with the system, while understanding it and working within it, often you can change it and in the process become master of your own situation. Say your P's & Q's...pay your dues...do what you gotsta do.

Simples.

And my posse of good mates work with this attitude too, we got goals and places to be...Ms. Lawyerlady is ever onwards and upward bound...I believe that the house will soon come. My Sister From Another Mother is nearing the end of her degree and I am sooo proud. I think possibly some people have been pleasantly surprise but not I—I always had faith in her to see this through. Love her to bits! Fly-Ass Single Mama is gearing up to begin her master's with or without baby daddy help! And my sis is getting ready to walk down the aisle. Another lil' Mama, Friday's 'Fro is also making tracks and another good friend with a baby will be re-entering education armed with a solid career plan. 2010 should be big for Ms. Design, Sankofa and Afrocentric too.

No time for slacking in 2010. I love the fact that I don't roll with waste when there is honestly so much waste out there! I'm surrounded by a good set of people and we are all on our P's & Q's in order to get where we are going, believe that!

Image credits

n.b. 'Mind your p's and q's' is an English expression which means mind your manners/says you pleases and thank yous.
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I’m Just Tryna Be Me Doing What I Gotta Do, Some People Think That I’m Just Sitting On Top Of The World...

Posted by Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens
Hey! After claiming I wouldn't go MIA again, here I am again having to write yet another apology note for not being here. So sorry, shame on me! Now...

I love my boy Journey's blog The Soul Of It All (you need to check it out) and reading him got me to thinking about my life and my blog. Recently I spoke to an erhm, friend of mine who really made me feel quite shame. Simply because he says I moan a lot. Actually let me be fair to his speech/lecture, he says in the past two years he cannot remember me not complaining and that is all I ever do. I'd be a liar if I didn't tell you that that convo (again, no, it was a lecture, the likes of which I haven't heard since I left uni!) bruised my ego and much as I tried to convince him that actually I am well aware of my blessings, he was not having a bar of it. I was branded a moaner and that was that!

For once, I decided to take on board his comments and use them to really analyse the way I behave. Usually, it takes me a good few days to move past the blind denial and tenderly poke at my superego until I notice what is really going on. But alas, I am way to tired and fed up to be so kind to myself. So I thought, am I a moaner?

Short answer: yes I am! Oh no!


Long answer: different people see different sides of me. Generally, I try to show the real me to everyone but different people get different facets of my personality. Some people think I am on such a hype that I may be secretly medicated while my family believe I have severely depressive tendencies. The honest truth is that, like most other people, I occupy that wonderful murky quagmire that we call life in varying shades of grey. I was a bit upset that my erhm friend, could not really understand that the reason he is privy to that side of me is because I consider him to be close to me. I don't moan to all and sundry about my life (excluding my Monday Rants to the blogosphere, obviously!). It made me realise two things, one, I need to balance up the many parts of myself to make a less fragmented whole and two, he probably doesn't deserve for me to keep him so close if he doesn't get that.

I have many blessings, some of which I listed as I signed off my last post...I'm not going to list them again as my very English upbringing finds such things more than vaguely embarrassing and slightly distasteful. But I have many things to thank my God for and really I think I will do so more often. HOWEVER,

Life has been hard recently, harder than I expected. But such is life, anaa? I know I don't have half the problems of some other friends and Fly-Ass Single Mama is such an inspiration to me. She doesn't even know this! I don't know if I have her strength but I'm learning. All I know is I am a work in process. But back to Journey...he was talking about having finally reached a place where he can reflect on his past hurts and be content. I read through a lot of what he was going through. I'm now at that uncomfortable place where I wish I was with someone but I am not so stupid that I don't realise that I am just not ready right now. But something Journey wrote really resonated with me...

'But we were only that tight because we took the time to grow into each other. I knew enough about her to feel comfortable, to trust her and to love freely...Allow yourself to naturally choose her so being with her comes naturally.'

Preachhhhhhhhhhhh! Where am I rushing to? I think I (was going to say girls and make this general but, no, I'ma finally own my own mistakes) am tooooo fast! I mean I jump from potential into a thing without giving it time to grow. So now I'm thinking of a certain Foneshop boy who is a dear, dear friend, with potential, but still only a friend. And I like it that way, who knows where the potential will lead but right about now I need time to myself! In fact, Journey is also an inspiration because I feel like I've seen him come through the pain to a healthier version of himself. I am so excited! Because one day, in the not too distant future, that will be me! But for now, I'm just tryna be me, doing what I gotta do...

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