Baring Testament

Best Thing In My Life

2012-01-14T19:19:00.006Z

Hi all,

I know I've been MIA. But sometimes you just need me time. Down time, so sorry. But happy 2012 everyone! This one is gonna be a good one! Something has been sitting on me about last year, and I wanted to share. Despite not being here much last year. it was a good year for me and I thought I'd mention some highlights...they'll put this year into perspective...

On 31st December 2010 at church a wrote a list of five things. Very specific, that I wanted to begin in my life. And as I get each of them I'll let you know on here. I prayed to God for them, and believed in him to answer my prayers.

One of the things I asked for was a permanent job by the end of 2011, paying a minimum of £30,000. Considering I was in my first job, post-masters, barely any experience, earning £21,000, in the middle of a recession, on a temporary contract, it seemed beyond far from where I was then. Plus I was due to be out of contract at the end of January 2011. The team was full, and my manager was advising me on where to apply for jobs at my level. Maybe earning slightly more. £24,000 including London weighting looked reasonable.

So following my prayer I started looking for jobs in the region of £27,000...ambitious for my level, but with London weighting of around £3,000, that would bump me up to £30,000...just about.

Then an AMAZING thing happened. Three positions opened up in my team. One at £21,000 and two at £32,000. My manager encouraged me to apply for the one at my level, I was doing well, practically in-post and pretty much guaranteed it.

I didn't apply for it. I applied for one of the £32,000 roles...and I got it. First choice candidate with the highest score in the interview and application. And I was expecting to get the job around December as I had put a time-cap on my very specific prayer...it came in MAY. Plus I get a travel allowance bonus. It's funny...I was scrapping around to JUST make the mark for what I had asked God for and he gave me just so much MORE!

Another prayer I prayed after having just broken up with my boyfriend was that I want to meet and know who my future husband would be by the end of the year. I started to date someone pretty soon in the new year who I had known since I was about 13...comfortable. He was nice, sweet, attentive and INTO ME. Like really. He seemed just so proud to be by my side. And he was God-fearing. PRAISE GOD.

But then something AWFUL happened...I just clean went off him. Like completely. For no apparent reason. And he tried everything, and he tried SO HARD, to keep it going. But it died. Just like that.

In the meantime I was still in contact with a couple of ex's (I must stress, this was NOT in any way other than as friends from a distance), including the one I broke up with in December 2010. One from a few years ago, who is in his early 30s starts talking about settling down. A few months later he's clear its me he wants to settle with and starts trying to make a play for me. Then someone else I was crushing on HARD in 2010 starts talking the settling down line...

But AMAZINGLY, I got back with this Ex from December 2010 (since blogging was SPARSE at the time, he has yet to be mentioned on here...). We didn't push our relationship. Or try to define it. After breaking up we went back to the basics of our friendship and it just seemed to grow from there. I never saw it coming. He just seemed to come out with it one day when we were talking, that he wants to be with me...and I just thought, yes. That was around April and we are STILL very happy together. Even more AMAZINGLY we both took it seriously, so much more than first time around. He is the first man to have ever been introduced to my family as my boyfriend and he has been very well received. And I have been invited to meet his family too...

And funnily enough, it has been easier this time. Which NEVER happens when you get back with an Ex. When we first got together I kind of saw him as a time filler. A nice guy but not the man of my dreams. I find it truly amazing that he seems to be everything I ever wanted. And not in the least who I expected him to be. I have never been happier.

THEN 30th December 2011, he PROPOSED. All of a sudden my mind flashes back to the prayer I made and I think 'Oh My Days, really?!'. Saying yes was the easiest thing I have ever done.

God gave me EVERYTHING last year, He is truly the best thing in my life. And all the good I have in my life can be traced right back to Him. 2011 was magical for me. And it looks set to continue.

Image credits

I am TOTALLY psyched for 2012!!!!!

What did God do for you to psych you for 2012?

Where I Wanna Be!

2011-10-17T23:37:00.004+01:00

Hi everyone!!!

*big wave*

I've been on a bit of a hiatus--cough, cough *side eye*

Sorry about that, you know that one where life just gets away from ya? YEAH...that one.

It's been a crazy few months and I've careened from being overwhelmed, to being miserable and then back again.

It started with me having so much to do I was barely sleeping and writing for anything other than work was just a massive ask. Then that became my life and in the monotony I just had nothing to share. But after all these months, life seems to have slowed down enough to share.

So here I am.

Ready to share.

This is where I wanna be.

I've had time to think about my blog as well. Just take time, take stock and think, do I really wanna be sharing so much of me? When it comes to personal blogs, I know people get like this from time to time. And even with a semi-hidden identity, sometimes you just have to question the sense in sharing to the degree that I sometimes do. But, hey. This is ME. This is who I am. This is where I wanna be.

I've never been much of a shy girl and I'm not good at hiding me. In fact, I've always been proud of the fact that I am ME, regardless of my audience (though as a kid my mother would tear her hair out, she too has come to appreciate it!).

So, on balance I have decided to continue to do me on this blog. With one caveat. Call it a qualification, if you will...

When life requires me to take a pause--I will.

No apologies. No guilt.

Now don't get it twisted, I'm not tryna alienate my blog-friends. But when I started this, I didn't know you and I was doing it for me. I wanna keep doing this for me--with your support. This is where I wanna be.

Thank you for your support,

and keep reading! Because...

Image Credits

Love Alwayz,

Nsoromma...Child Of The Heavens

N.B. This title has me thinking an old song I used to love...and since sharing is caring. Enjoy Shade Sheist's Where I Wanna Be...

A week at Wembley...

2011-04-09T09:55:00.004+01:00

Hey all,

After the mad Monday that I posted about, the day was finally upon me, ENGLAND V. GHANA at Wembley Stadium with my Cuzzy. I probably should have posted when I got home from the match (was a 1-all draw btw), but I was so tired and hyped all in one I pretty much passed out!

Anyone who was there should be able to tell you that the evening was electric! I think England underestimated how much us Ghanaian's love our football because we BROUGHT IT! It was so much fun being in the almost carnival spirit, talking to anyone and everyone. Seeing Abigail, Priscilla, Gifty, Vida, Mame, Nana, Kay, and all the other bait Ghanaians with bait names who probably all live in Broadwater Farms, who you hadn't seen in a while. EPIC.

And the chants:

- *clap* *clap* *clap* AWAY! *clap* *clap* *clap* AWAY!
- We will score you, we will put PEPPER in your eyes!
- Ghana, Ghana, Ghana oseeeeeeeeeee yieeeeeeeeee!

EPIC.

I've always managed to miss the Ghana friendlies over here. But trust me I'll be ready for the next one!

So...I'd barely recovered from the nite of the football (despite taking the following day off work, lol, don't judge me!) and I was back at Wembley again! This time it was the arena, two days after the match to see Nas and Damian Marley in concert with Erykah Badu, with my girl from uni twice-over, Foreign Office Girl.

OHHHH MYYYY WORDDDD! Epic!

I can barely remember the last time that I went to a concert, but I know it was nothing compared to this! I'm not even a Junior Gong fan but kudos to him, he was genuinely mesmerising. The guy has a genuine gift for working the crowd.

So the night kicked of with Erykah who hasn't been here in a hot minutes (lol). And it was well worth the wait. She's as kooky as ever, her singing was interspersed with what can only be described as melodic screeching, she captivated me with her honeyed tones and as ever preaching that Hip Hop is apparently bigger than religion *pause*.

But then, THEN, what I'd be really waiting for Nas and Damian. Or rather let me be fair, I was waiting for NAS. I've been in love with this dude since I can remember. I own EVERY album, know all the songs in order and used to dream of him being my baby daddy. Yeah, I said it! My baby daddy! Lol!

He's still doing it for me boi! And he was so close I thought of fainting (but then I'd have missed vital seconds where I coulda been looking at him, so...no). He brought out the old school, with Got Urself a Gun, One Mic, Hate Me Now...wow. He's STILL got it! Clearly, I haven't got over that night yet...so just try and relive it with me through this post, while I fade off into silence and dream about Nasty Nas, hmmm....*sigh*

Monday Rant!

2011-03-30T12:52:00.002+01:00

Ok, so in my positive frame of mind I thought I'd given up my Monday rants...and then Monday just gone happened!

What a comedy of errors! It was pure comedy value...for an un involved spectator. But for me...*sigh*.

(Disclaimer: This was written yesterday)

Look, just consider this...

Sunday was a semi nice day in London Town so I'd been in sandals and a maxi dress. How lovely. But the previous day I'd (finally) moved into my own flat, so all my stuff was there. But lack of food had me spending the night at mum's (you know how it is).

So anyhoo, on Monday morning the day broke, grey dank and cold. And the exhaustion had me waking up later than usual. And I realised all I had to put on my feet for work in were my flip flops. Oh crap. So I needed go to the flat, a diversion which was GUARANTEED to make me late. Double crap.

So anyhoo I finally get to work in suitable shoes. Half an hour late. And my office takes flexible working to another level so no one has a fixed desk. Being late equals no desk, particularly on a Monday. Grrrrrr! So another half an hour is wasted searching for a desk.

Finally boot up the computer and go into my email looking for the email I'd sent myself of the urgent work I did from home on Friday. Ummmm...it's not there...check my BB. Yes, I'd sent it. Yes, I'd sent it to the correct address. No, I had no notification that the mail had failed and yet...nothing in my work inbox.

So we have a deadline of Wednesday. Tuesday is a full day off training and I'm on leave Wednesday. So I have to go home. I live two hours from work. Oh For F***s Sake!

So I get to mum's and have to email the work to a colleague, while checking the time. You see I'd arranged to pick up my tickets for the England-Ghana match from a guy on the way home from work as it would have been convenient if I hadn't had 2 rush home...

So now it wasn't convenient as he was an hour-and-a-half from my house...so I text him to say I'll be late. And he says he doesn't wanna hold the tickets much longer cuz if I flop he'll not be able to get rid of them before the match. By now I wanna pull my hair out, cuz I have to go BACK to the flat to get something else for work and I WANT MY MATCH TICKETS.

So I meet the guy 45 minutes later and get my beloved tickets and head to my cousin's to crash (and show off my ticket's to my very annoyed uncle who is STILL waiting for his!). But her dad has sprung a surprise guest on her pissed off ass so I have to trek BACK TO THE FLAT cuz there just isn't the space.

THEN, back at my flat tired and hungry I get a text from my ex. The notorious one who broke my heart over a year ago. Apparently, just to say hi and that he hopes I'm good. OH FUCK OFF! So now I'm annoyed and can't sleep properly.

So much so that, it's now Tuesday morning and I'm late for work AGAIN. And writing this post on the delayed train to work...kmft.

G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T.

2011-03-06T21:58:00.003Z

If ANYONE still reads my blog, I should start by saying...I am awfully sorry that I have been so damn lazy. Please forgive me, even though I don't deserve it...love ya!

Now this is short sweet and breezy (kinna).

Named this G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T. after the following Changing Faces track that I've always loved.

This is how I felt finally after all the pain and hurt of my breakup in November 2009.

So leading on from that...a week or so ago I found out that the girl my ex cheated on me with and left me for has dumped his due to all his BMD (tr. Baby Mama Drama). When I was first told I kinna brushed it aside as unimportant.

But I've been thinking about it recently and I feel mildly ecstatic. Yes, I know its a bit of an oxymoron, but hey. That the best description I've got. Plus, I'm kinna talking to someone now, and I'm HAPPY in my life. So that makes it even better.

All of a sudden my heart doesn't shrivel into a prune at the idea of seeing him randomly. Yes, I've gained a few (or more) pounds since we split, and yes I'm not quite a millionaire yet (still working on it though), but I'm HAPPY. Even seeing him couldn't touch that!

So is it bad for me to glory in the fact that they split and at that to my lil' pile of happiness?

Wait Til You See My Smile...

2010-12-29T16:44:00.004Z

As the year is drawing very swiftly to a close, I'm getting my usual post-Christmas blues. I'm very frustrated right now...tryna count my blessings and seeing few. BUT...

BUT...

BUT...I am healthy, I have travelled emotionally and spiritually...if not physically (*sigh*) from where I was this time last year and that is really something I am thankful for. It's amazing how much I tend to take little things like that for granted. I was so very ill last year and not employed in any meaningful way. Look at me now! I have a CV I can be proud of and I have my health. This time last year I was heartbroken and I didn't see anyway out. But look at me now! I'm collected and ready and I finally understand myself. That is a massive achievement for me. Honestly.

I can't lie, I do feel down. I feel like I am pretty far from the path I had planned out for myself. But if I had followed that path, I would still have some very poisonous people in my presence, I'd never have met some of the most amazing friends I've ever made and I'd have almost no stories to tell my (future) children!

Imagine--I've gained all of that in just one very short year and my gains have dried the tears of last year. Now my brow is no longer furrowed...and if my blessings continue in this way...just wait until 2011...oooooooooo-oooooooooooooo-oooooooooooo...!
...Wait til you see my smile!

NHS Changes: An Open Letter To The Con-Dems

2010-12-22T01:52:00.000Z

(image credits)

Dear David Cameron,

cc. Nick Clegg

RE: Why don't you just kill us all now and be done with it

Have you realised that just across the pond people are fighting to get just a slice of what we have over here? A National Health Service is what I am talking about. A way to ensure that low income does not mean that being ill and/or injured is a sentence to total financial wipe out or worse, death. Since you have decided to break up the NHS and risk our lives by making changes that have ALREADY been proven to be ineffective; at a time where the country has no money, I was severely tempted to believe that the CON-DEMs loathe, this green and pleasant land, that you have been elected to serve.

Alas, I am way off the mark. What I have recently read has totally convinced me otherwise. No, no, it is apparent to me now that you just want us all to die. No one likes targets, I agree. And scraping targets does initially seem like a fantastic idea to cut red tape and leave the doctors to just do their job, right? But considering that you purport to be proponents of Free Market ideals, I am a touch baffled as to how you can scrap Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) like ambulance response times? I mean, timing how fast ambulances respond to calls seems very reasonable, considering that they are supposed to be fast. Is it not key to their job role? And GP waiting times and waiting times in A&E...two more reasonable requests to been seen speedily I'd have thought.

I mean have you ever waited hours for a GP appointment? Days and days because they can't slot you in? Or just waited for an eternity at the practice hoping to be seen realising you've missed a whole day of work because they are running too slowly? And...oh...no? Well I suppose not, you can afford a private practice and opt out of these kind of shenanigans. Well, have you ever been seriously ill, felt like crap, unable to get a GP appointment, told if its that bad you should go to A&E? Ever been told that what feels like a horrendous illness is not that urgent? Have you ever...sorry, what? No? Again? Well I suppose that also makes sense. After all, what private hospital worth its salt is going to allow you to wait, or turn you away as being no-urgent. Of course you're a valuable urgent patient if your paying, aren't you? I just thought that being attended to by an ambulance when you are quite ill within 20 minutes was a perfectly reasonable expectation.

I just wondered what the rational was behind the CON-DEM reasoning for these changes, after all I'd not like to condemn you all as uncaring and out of touch with the realities of the health service that we face...ooooooh, ok. You want to focus on quality of care. Well that does make sense, I salute you. After all, ensuring that I am not seen within 20 minutes of calling for an ambulance may not kill me if its not life threatening, true, and increasing my stress levels while I still don't know what is wrong with me will greatly increase the quality of care I receive. Ok. So should I just not call for help if I deem it necessary, take an ibuprofen and go back to work? Yep? Got it.

I totally understand. Obviously in a period of austerity the most value for money that I would receive is paying for an NHS that I cannot access due to prohibitively long waiting times. Unless you are dying. In which case, go ahead and try to access your NHS. I mean in that case they really don't have to see you within 4 hours of arriving at A&E all in the interests of promoting quality and patient safety. Obviously having to be seen within 4 hours is far too hasty. Plus if I die waiting, I'm no longer a patient of the NHS. I'm just dead. One less person to put a strain on the service. Fantastic way to deal with patient quality of care and service.

Also, I did think that Nick Clegg cared about the social welfare of this nation though, so I am slightly shocked about this...no? What? He was willing to sell out in exchange for actually being in power (something that has not happened for a Liberal Democrat in living memory)? But that doesn't make sense! Plus he held himself up as a beacon of integrity. Now all he has received is all of the flack and none of the (real) power, I....huh? Oh, ok...he was too stupid to realise that he'd signed his soul over to be condemned forever? Sorry, what? Sure...., I won't tell him, if you don't...

Thank you sooooo much guys for clearing that up for me.

Kind regards,

Just a thought...

2010-12-21T12:32:00.000Z

(image credits)

The Abyss

2010-12-19T18:11:00.003Z

(image credits)

It's the worst thing when you trust him

and he betrays you.

Not in the actions you expect,

nothing like that.

But in a fundamental way;

A seemingly insignificant way

A way that seems infinitely more

of an impossible chasm.

A complete betrayal of everything

you ever thought you had.

Magnolia Melancholia

2010-12-08T05:50:00.002Z

Recently I have been suffering a severe bout of melancholy. Everything is just a bit blah, you know, boring, uninspiring, almost depressing like magnolia (hideous colour! *shudder*) And I think its unwarranted really.

mel·an·chol·y Adjective /ˈmelənˌkälē/

1. Sad, gloomy, or depressed

she felt a little melancholy

the dog has a melancholy expression

2. Causing or expressing sadness; depressing

the study makes melancholy is instructive reading

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am quite an emotional character. And this is in a time where we are taught that emotions are something to be embarrassed about. You know the rules: we should suppress it, embrace all appearance of toughness, maintain our stiff upper lip and remain stoic no matter what.

I used to subscribe to that philosophy too, until I made a life changing discovery...IT DOESN'T HELP. Disappointment and hurt are as much a part of life as joy and elation. Suppressed feelings come out sooner or later and I think the later they do the worse for you!

Deal with your problems; don't bury your head in the sand. Don't get it twisted, I'm not a fan of excessive wallowing and self-pity. Deal with your issues and move the hell on. Stop telling the world, his mother and his grandmother's best mate! Haven't you realised that the more you complain about it the less anyone cares?! Whatever it is--it shall pass.

Knowing that my melancholy spell will pass is helping to ease it already...So to anyone out there who is feeling like this--a bit blah. Just feel it, spend some quality 'me' time and SHAKE IT OFF.

Have a happy Wednsday y'all,

xXx

Adverse Weather Conditions

2010-12-01T08:30:00.005Z

Image credits

I have been too busy to blog recently (and I've been lazy, I must confess). But I seem to have some time on my hands because Greenwich Council have not gritted ANYWHERE. I thought I should take some time out of my (sparse) schedule to BITCH.

Errrrr, everyone knew that the snow was coming, right? We were waiting for it for at least a week. Almost disappointment when it didn't come on time. Then the absolute glee when it did because snow=day off work! Yay(!), except snow day was yesterday. WHERE THE HELL IS THE BLOODY GRIT ON THE ROADS? SNOW PLOUGHS, SOMETHING? No? Ok, so why the hell not?!

GREENWICH COUNCIL HAVE NOT EVEN ATTEMPTED TO GRIT ANYWHERE. IT'S A SHAMBLES . I'M SO ANNOYED. WHAT DO PEOPLE PAY BLOODY EXORBITANT COUNCIL TAX FOR?

Sorry that was my Wednesday rant...done now.

(this is the view outside my living room window, brrrrrrrrrr *shivers*)

Music: D'Angelo

2010-08-15T22:48:00.001+01:00

I'm taking in back in time a bit with this man, (former) heartthrob and musical genius. The former Mr. Angie Stone, had it going ON! Jheeeeeeeeeeez!

Now I know for loads of girls the Untitled Video is the essence, the be all and end all of Mr. Eugene Michael Archer. But I beg to differ. The dude had talent and in the sad way of many talented artists (think Lauryn Hill) their art and their talent become their downfall. He was a song-writer, producer, singer and played two types of piano, the keyboard, drums, guitar and bass guitar! But most chicks only remember him for his practically naked (and beautifully formed) abs on the video for Untitled, and the fact that everyone wanted the camera to drop lower, lol. Forgetting that that too was a beautiful song.

There are many debates that that video ruined D'Angelo, and he himself admitted to feeling under pressure after it came out. (for me the video is a very perv-worthy by-the-by) But with or without it, I'd still listen to the man. And it is a shame he has been basically in hiding since 2000. He has been charged with cocaine and marijuana possession, DUI, soliciting, reckless driving, and driving on a suspended license. His stints in rehab have also been well documented.But all I care about is his music--his honeyed voice and the music.

Please, sort yourself out and come back, D'Angelo. I miss you!

Now for my fab five...

UNTITLED (HOW DOES IT FEEL)

D'Angelo - Untitled (How Does It Feel)
Uploaded by mutsu_onikage. - Explore more music videos.

LADY

Lady lyrics

D'Angelo- Lady Video - Lady Music Videos
Music Videos by VideoCure

ME AND THOSE DREAMIN EYES OF MINE

D'Angelo - Me and those dreamin' eyes...
Uploaded by foxysoul. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

CRUSIN'

D Angelo - Cruisin
Uploaded by lachula. - Explore more music videos.

WHEN WE GET BY

When We Get By - D'Angelo

And I love him on these two tracks:

LAURYN HILL - NOTHING EVEN MATTERS ft. D'ANGELO

Nothing Even Matters - Lauryn Hill & D'Angelo

METHOD MAN - BREAK UP'S TO MAKE UP'S ft. D'ANGELO

Enjoy xXx

Ouch!

2010-08-11T11:32:00.004+01:00

You've been on my mind,

Your face is all I see.

But I know deep down inside,

That you don't think of me.

Inside me is a space

That I thought was made for you

But you then you back away

And punch me in my face...!

Back to the Future

2010-07-20T13:27:00.000+01:00

I am back in Ghana for the first time in 6 years. This is my second ever visit and it feels so different coming back. It's funny that coming here aged 18 I was really impressed by my country. I think being born and raised in the UK, my family back home expected me to be wholly underwhelmed. People hyped up Ghana's negatives in an attempt to make the country seem better to me than they had advertised it to be. It seemed to me to be a ploy. A rather perverse way to make me fall in love with my heritage.

This strategy was misguided to say the least. I was more than ready to love Ghana. Contrary to popular belief (in Ghana), many of us abrokyirefuo enkola are more than ready to embrace the country of our parents. It helps give a sense of identity when living in a country (like the UK) where people forever ask 'where are you really from?'.

This return journey however sees me in a much different mood. I'm in Accra for a few days (which to me equals me being lost! Being from a pure Kumasiano family--don't judge me :P) am I'm taking a better look than the fleeting glance of a few years back.

All of a sudden I am not so impressed. It's like looking at a beautiful picture with cracks in it. As I've grown older I think I have become more and more invested in being a Ghanaian. I am emotionally invested in our sport (as you can tell), politics, language and culture. But the more invested I am, the more pain I seem to feel. It's like watching a child with 'so much potential' hit 30...and all that they have achieved is the title of 'the former child with so much potential'.

Arguments that diasporian Ghanaians should come 'back home' and set to rights their country have always erked me. Firstly, because in many ways for people like me it is no more 'coming home' that it is for any random African-American. It's just not really home. You see, you can never mistake home, love it or hate it there are particular emotions linked to the idea of home that separate diasporians from our 'home-grown' counterparts. Secondly, I think it is somewhat disrespectful to barge in and take over what you don't know. Who am I as a diasporian to Waltz in and decide my way is better? There is much to be said for local knowledge. It's priceless.

Nonetheless, I feel disappointed somehow in Ghana. There is a lot to be done and I feel like the country has stagnated. But there is also much to be hopeful for. There is a generation emerging who want to make a change; I want to be a part of that somehow. I need to find my place in helping to get it all done.

(First published on Life...and Living It)

Dashed Hopes

2010-07-05T12:55:00.003+01:00

A game of two halves;

90 minutes and then some.

Then a cheat,

Penalty--

A miss.

DAMN.

The an arbitrary

but necessary competition.

A brave loser

A shocking miss and

The crushed dreams

And dashed hopes

Of a continent.

Image credits

(Clearly the football really hurt me, let's not talk about it...)

In Anticipation...

2010-07-02T17:45:00.001+01:00

Yes, yes, yes! I am a football addict. FACT. There. I said it.

Now on to more important business...in less than 2 hours my country of heritage, GHANA will be facing the might of Forlan's Uruguay. To say I am nervous is an understatement. Being house-bound with my foster bro while all my peoples are out at the Ghanaian London spots...Gold Coast Norwood, Gold Coast Brixton, Ekubanz...WHERE EVER...I just wanna put it out there. I wish my BLACK STARS all the best. Win, draw or lose they have made me so proud. Right now, it's great to be a Ghanaian!

And just to keep that smile on your face...here's the 'Asamoah Gyan dance'...

Let's hope that by the end of today we still have a reason to smile :D

(First published on Life...and Living It)

World Cup Fever!!!!!!

2010-06-24T14:15:00.003+01:00

Unless you are a hermit (get out more!) you could never pretend that you don't know that the biggest sporting event in the world is upon us: THE WORLD CUP!

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I love football (Man United supporters can I get a whoop whoop!) and yesterday I nearly had a heart attack because the two teams I support for love ENGLAND and GHANA made it through to the last 16. WELL DONE BOYS! Especially Ghana, how many non-Ghanaians really believed that we could do that? The only African team to do so (so far...Ivory Coast still have a whisker of a chance)!

So I thought I'd share some of my fever with you with K'Naan's World Cup song...Waving Flag.

Yours,

This Is My Testimony...Nsoromma's Story, Trouble Don't Last Always...

2010-06-19T01:28:00.007+01:00

Here's the song I pilfered (and adapted) the title from...Mary J. Blige: Testimony

Since I wrote my last post my life has been a total whirlwind! But to re-cap, I handed in my notice at work at the end of last month. I was not happy. I needed a change, a push, something to bring me back to life. I stepped out on these feelings and decided to quit. Wrote a nice resignation letter to the boss and waited out my notice period. Funnily enough, the day I handed in my resignation was the same day I had quite a few application deadlines.

Anyhoo...about a week and a half later I get a call-back asking for an interview two days later! I immediately said yes, not even really realising what the job was for. But I did recognise that the end of that week would be my final day at work so I was still pushing for a new job (that ever-elusive career breakthrough role). I had two long back-to-back shifts in the two days before my interview and I started to get really worried that I would not have time to prepare. The day before the interview I worked til 10pm and got home near to 11:30. I was knackered and I had so much to do! I started panicking, called around for some interview advice to calm my nerves and then got stuck into my preparation in earnest. I hit the sack at 2.30am after a little 'God I've done all I can'; I just couldn't physically do anymore. My interview was for 10am and an hour-and-a-half away from where I live. This meant that, allowing for major calamities and time to settle my nerves, I needed to be out at 8am. Crap. And I was seriously lacking two nights worth of sleep. Double crap.

I woke up agitated and slightly nauseous. Oh and by the way my BB was in for repairs, so I didn't have the comfort of my phone to soothe me on my journey or to give me reminders to wake up, which was probably why I was so agitated when I woke up. At 7. After four-and-a-half hours sleep. Look I'm no Sankofa, I'm just not built for this. Anyhoo...I got there in good time. Prepared my answers and tried to will my palms to stop flowing rivers (it's so disgusting! I wish we still lived in an era when women wore gloves...). A nice lady takes me through to prepare for a presentation, 45 minutes prep for a 5 minute presentation. Crap, I didn't know about this. Nobody mentioned any presentation. I don't mind doing presentations but at least some forewarning! Crap, crap, crap, OH CRAP!

Ok, cool. Smile, shake hands, thank the nice lady. Crack a joke, make her smile. Now down to business. For the first 15 minutes I couldn't even understand the document I was reading. Calm down, start again. BREATHE. Ok, now I get it. No time to make use of the flip board. Just do it.

So I fumbled through the presentation. Smiled brightly where necessary. Answered all my questions. Didn't repeat examples, always used examples. Smiled some more. Looked all three panel members in the eye as I went along. Looked thoughtful. Clarified if I thought I sounded unclear. Didn't ramble (Yay for me! Because this is a particular habit of mine). Two small sips of water. Didn't fidget. Asked intelligent questions at the end. Was told that they would be in touch tomorrow. Smiled like a frigging simpleton. Shook hands firmly at the end (despite my sweaty hands *shudder*). Left the building. Pheeew!

Once I left I was nearly in tears. I just slumped at the bus stop for 20mins or so then made my way home. I felt horrible, exhausted and close to tears. I just kept thinking I hope my phone has arrived home by now, the only silver lining I could perceive. I got home to be greeted by my phone (yay!) and the anxious mother, oh joy. I muttered something unintelligible, skulked upstairs and crawled into bed. Fully clothed (minus the shoes). Had a good handful of texts and calls to see how it went. Ignored them nicely.
GO AWAY.

After sleep and food (up until this point I'd eaten nothing) I tried to gain some perspective. I could think of no one thing that should warrant my misery. I composed myself and prayed:

"Lord, if it is for me the let it be mine. If not then, I trust you."

I was a bit more upbeat after that. Misery does not become me. I shrugged it off and got on with life.

The following morning my brand new BB (Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!) woke me up with a private number call, in my best I'm-wide-awake-no-of-course-you-didn't-just-wake-me-up voice—I answered. The nice guy on the other end said he had just called to let me know that I had been selected for the role I went up for. Oh. That's nice. Pause. So, ummmmm, Nsoromma, would you like the job? Pause. Oh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, yes! Needless to say, the rest of the convo was a blur. The rest of the day was a blur. Thank you God. The following day was my last day at the old job. Thank you, GOD! HELLO, ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME NSOROMMA, THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Called the fam, friends, Pastor and well wishers. This is my testimony. I said it was my moment, I believed it and it was.

THANK YOU GOD,

Love always,

Music: Lyfe Jennings

2010-06-08T14:18:00.002+01:00

Did I ever mention that I'm a Lyfe Jennings fan? After being incarcerated for a little over ten years at the age of 14 for arson, he buried himself in his love for music and blew onto the scene back in 2003 about a year after his release from prison. Now that is turning your life around....Love the tone and quality to his voice, love his story, love his subject matter, love him! So here's a few vids and songs I like from the man, Mr. Chester Bamsu Jennings....

Cops Up

Hypothetically ft. Fantasia

Lyfe Jennings lyrics

LYFE JENNINGS & FANTASIA Hypothetically Video - Lyfe Jennings Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

Must Be Nice

Lyfe Jennings lyrics

LYFE JENNINGS Must Be Nice Video - Lyfe Jennings Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

S.E.X. ft. LaLa Brown

Lyfe Jennings lyrics

Lyfe Jennings - S.E.X. Video - Lyfe Jennings Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

Never Never Land

Lyfe Jennings lyrics

ç»å…¸æŒæ›² Lyfe Jennings - Never Never Land Video - Lyfe Jennings Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

Also check out 'Hmmm' and Warriors' from his 2008 album 'Lyfe Change'. I'm waiting for his new album to drop...exciting times!

This Is My Moment...

2010-06-04T10:17:00.003+01:00

The past few weeks, no make that the past month, has been a little rough for me. I kinna felt like I hit rock bottom in my job hunt, my faith was knocked and my confidence seriously blown. But I heard the most uplifting message at church this Sunday, it was one of those where you leave, feeling lighter in load and knowing that you needed that. God sent that message to me, straight into my heart. Looking around me there is just so much going on, My Sweet Potato's husband got a new job, FASM got a job, and my girl Afrocen' got into the game too. I'm so proud of them all because I know how hard we've all been looking. I handed in my notice at work; I'm finishing in a week. And although I know people are worried for me and I know people trying to worry me I'm cool. In fact, I'm better than cool. I feel great; I feel excited. I feel like a testimony is on its way.

So much this past month, and the past has tried to rear its ugly head. But I passed that test. I realised two days ago that certain areas of my past hold no sway anymore. And boy did THAT feel good! But it also alerted me to something. I dunno if anyone else has this, but do you ever feel notice that bad things from your past, things (or people) that block or ruin you path always show up around the time of your greatest successes and breakthroughs? Looking around me, looking inside me, I feel like great things are coming and I'm not about to let anything block this. Devil get behind me. This is MY time. This is my moment...

My Sister

2010-05-30T00:07:00.005+01:00

I know I have been pretty down on the blog and in the real world to the poor people who are my friends (love you guys!). And although all that stuff is still pretty depressing. I just wanted to use this post to give a big shout out to my supportive friends (My Sweet Potato, Sankofa, FASM, Dodgy Boy, Foneshop Boy, Ms. Design, Ms Lawyerlady, Afrocentric, Kayobi, etc..) who have helped keep me out of the pits of doom and gloom somewhat.

But even more than that this is a shout-out to my family: my Mum, my Sister and my Cuzzy. Because, honestly, without their support I'd be finished. Cuzzy is always at the end of the phone to listen to my crap and sympathise. Bless my Mum, she is sooo cute cuz she has a 'secret' prayer list which I peeped the other night. And even though there is so much strain on our family at the moment, can you believe my job hunt is at the top of her prayer list?

But most of all: This is to my sister. She called me the other day and I ended up in tears describing my job hunt. She listened and offered me advice. And she was just THERE for me, you know? I'm not usually the type to wax lyrical about my family and I know I take them for granted, God forgive me. But this just needs to be said...

I HAVE THE BEST SISTER IN THE WORLD AND I LOVE HER TO BITS!

It's been said before that we should always remember to count our blessings. And my sister is one of the biggest blessings out there. Indescribable, incomparable. I don't know what my life would be like without my big sis, I shudder to think. I know I wouldn't be half as great as I am today without her. We are so very different but I can tell her anything and everything and she will always be there for me. I don't have a best friend, and I don't need one because I have my sister.

Love you girl!

Music: Musiq Soulchild

2010-05-24T14:27:00.005+01:00

In my summer jamming session that London's mini heatwave is producing, I keep playing tracks by the legend Musiq Souldchild.I'm having a Musiq party right about now! So just so you can share with me some of this sun through your computer screens, here are a few fav Musiq Soulchild summer jams (well at least the ones with actual videos!).

Just Friends (Sunny) - Very apt, dontcha think?

Infatueighties (Also doubles as a sex song ;))

Girl Next Door

Teach Me

Forever Friends

2010-05-23T08:05:00.005+01:00

We've grown up

And grown apart--

But you'll always be

In my heart!

Are You There God, It's Me Nsoromma...

2010-05-13T08:05:00.004+01:00

Sometimes it just feels like your life has come up against a brick wall. And then the apathy takes over. I've been tryna stay upbeat and I feel like I've been doing my bit. I've been hardworking with these applications and I'm waiting on the results for these. But it's hard not to feel dejected.

I was always a good student, didn't coast overly much and applied myself to things I found difficult. Education-wise, I know I was held up at school and elsewhere as some to follow, someone to watch, someone going somewhere. This was never a goal and even though I can be annoying and stuff my ability was not something I threw in people's faces.

But here I am post-education, it doesn't seem to matter that I worked hard, scrap that I worked DAMN HARD, that I never failed at anything, that I was a good student. I'm stuck in this shitty job with (some) people who never did a hard days thinking in their lives! With (some) people who have no ambition and never excelled in their lives. WHY AM I STILL STUCK HERE?

I got a call from an agency on Monday and the woman told me I have unrealistic salary expectations. I just busted my ass getting a Master's, which by the way, is self-funded, bloody expensive and from a 'top', internationally renowned institution. And this fool is telling me I should expect a starting salary of £17,000, which is LESS than I was getting after I finished my degree. So my masters AND experience count for nothing. If I could have hit this fool through the phone....it's not like we are talking about jobs in which I had no DIRECTLY-RELATED experience...KM bloody T.

Seriously, are you there God, it's ME, Nsoromma! Get me out of here!!!

Dear YOU...

2010-05-02T18:48:00.003+01:00

For the first time in four years we actually spoke, REALLY spoke. For the first time in four years, your words were not like a slap in the face. For the first time in four years the conversation didn't end with me angry or in tears. It was a revelation; when you told me that I had hurt you. It wasn't soppy or cute, but one of those ones where you just kind of acknowledge that certain actions and words cut deeper than intended. I knew that, but I never thought you would say it. I actually had some insight into you. And I realised that I have missed you. Once upon a time, long long ago you were my friend, you were my rock, you were my confidant. It was like going back to the beginning, where we just spoke. There was no malice and no bitterness. You asked me things without an agenda and I answered almost freely. You gave me genuine advice and I detected no ulterior motives. If you ever read this, you'll know who you are. We were young and stupid and I'm sorry. Can we start over? I would really love to have my friend back.

Yours Sincerely,

I Melted Inside

2010-04-27T20:56:00.001+01:00

We only met the other day,

But you really caught my imagination.

The way you talked and moved and laughed

Really caught my attention.

Then again to look at you--

Your not the usual type.

But after fun and frolics

And MOTD 2

We really got to talking.

It was so comfortable

And real

And unaffected.

When you held me close that day

And stared in my eyes

My insides got a little soft.

I have a confession to make

You thought I'd dosed off

When you kissed my forehead--

I had not.

And I heard every word you said

You said 'shit I really like you girl

much more than I thought

you really could be it'

And you thought I was asleep.

Not so.

I heard you loud and clear

And I melted inside.

*SIGH*

Monday Rant!

2010-04-26T22:24:00.003+01:00

It's just a mini rant today. I sprinted into work today like a banshee on crack, an hour early. KMT. I've just realised that my blackberry is playing up and it's showing my appointments AN HOUR early. Clearly, I use my blackberry to organise myself, so this malfunction is major. I really do need to take my phone in for repairs, I'm just not looking forward to a crap replacement and no blackberry messenger for two weeks. WHYYYYYYYYYY?

And the stupid 'Dead Sea' people (darh-ling...can I ask you a question? Darh-ling let me see your hands. Imagine this every two minutes for the ENTIRE day. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!) Keep coming up to say 'Darh-ling, why are you not smiling? Beautiful, smile for me' NO. Just piss off, this face clearly means piss off!!!

But on a positive note, I've had a really good weekend. Not very productive, granted. But I needed a break from my life. And I got reacquainted with an old friend, finally met her lovely husband, saw her two year old and her new-born. Awwwwwww! It was enough to make a woman-like-me broody! Such a cute little family unit.

Political Apathy: The Test for this General Election

2010-04-22T14:25:00.002+01:00

I am actually surprised at myself. For all my complaining about the lack of real difference between the main parties and no interesting wars on the policy front that I have done, I am quite looking forward to this year’s general election. Maybe, I am being caught up in all the hype—and that fact that Newsnight, my drug of choice, is on more than is necessary, or healthy, and slave to the media that I am I just HAVE to watch it. Whatever, the reasons are, I am being dragged into the mix and find myself debating politics (albeit, ‘softcore ‘politics) with all and sundry.

Consider...

Last night, I was at a revision session at my church for GCSE and A-Level students. I am one of the volunteer tutors, tutoring on Maths, Art and Government and Politics. I got a little kick going through the AS-Level Politics syllabus and remembering the subject that got me started on my current career path. But I was amazed just talking with the kids, at how knowledgeable some of them were. Excluding my tutee (can you even say that?!) from this discussion for obvious reasons, I found myself engaged in some lovely and at times lively debate about what people believed the parties stood for, about the recession, foreign policy and negative campaigning. I was genuinely amazed. I think I have always taken the somewhat pompous view that 95% of the electorate knows nothing much about politics. And for that reason I shall be lumped with a leader that about 20 people voted for because nobody knows or cares enough to vote sensibly, if at all. But here I was with a group of children, having to rethink my views.

Fair enough, they do not count as the electorate as they cannot actually vote. But what this little encounter did show me was that for children to be passionate and knowledgeable about politics there must be some adults somewhere around them who have been thinking these issues through. I’m happy to see that people are not as disengaged as I thought they were...or maybe I just know people who are from politically aware backgrounds? Who knows? But I prefer to look on the bright side...

'The Great Prime Ministerial Debate'

2010-04-15T22:33:00.004+01:00

Today at 8.30pm in Manchester, British political history was made...the main party leaders came together for the first ever televised debate in the run up to the general election.

Although, I was torn between watching this and Welcome to Lagos on BBC2, I feel that the former was an event not to be missed. You know, history and all that. Usually, the papers disagree with me (lol) but I believe that the debate was only beneficial for the Liberal Democrat leader, Nick Clegg. He was calm, composed and in control of himself. I found myself thinking...'I wish it was a viable option to vote for this man'. But I'd rather vote for a feeble Labour than vote for a viable Liberal Democrat candidate because splitting the vote will let in HIM....David Cameroon (yuck!). It's a shame, but Politics is a game.

But anyway, back to the debate...What was the fuss? Look, the British sensibilities do not allow the debate to get as interesting as these things do in the US. And nothing up for the vote is interesting enough to grip me or most of the people I know. It's all personality, it's all very American and I can't stand it. We have a parliamentary system, not a presidential system of government and for me this does not fit the UK. And I wonder how much this will turn on the electorate. Brown was still the staid, calm, figure-quoting Brown. Cameron was the same 'suave', makes-me-sick-to-my-stomach, fake-Blair, Cameroon. But Clegg, ahhhhh, CLEGG...for me was a breath of fresh air. Instead of playing the role of the LibDem stuck between the two 'big' parties, he genuinely seemed to have a distinct platform for his party. HOWEVER, I'm happy they had the debate because at least now Nick Clegg is getting play, which is going to get the other two scared. At least a little.

I doubt that in and of itself that this debate would have made a big difference to who will become the next Prime Minster and what the turn-out would be. But the only lingering soundbite I got from this little show, which was purely a nasty accident by Gordon Brown and David Cameron....'I agree with Nick!'

Roll on, round two...

100 Truths...

2010-04-11T19:41:00.003+01:00

Sankofa inspired me! Welcome to the wonderful world of....ME. Now you have two options, you can eat it...or throw it away...

1. Last drink→ Fanta Fruit Twist.

2. Last phone call→ Kenny

3. Last text message→ Micheline

4. Last song you listened to→ Goodbye Apathy - OneRepublic

5. Last time you cried→ Three weeks ago. Don't ask.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice → Er, shamefully, yes!

7. Been cheated on?→ Ohhhhh yes!

8. Kissed someone?→ Course man

9. Lost someone special?→ Yep, my uncle. RIP Uncle Fo-sa!

10. Been depressed?→ Yes

11. Been drunk and threw up? → Yes actually, just the once.

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. Yellow

13. Grey

14. Blue

15. Black

HAVE YOU:

16. Made new friends → Errrr, doesn't everyone?

17. Fallen out of love → Yep

18. Laughed until you cried → Hell yeah

19. Met someone who changed you → Yes, there have been many actually. That's just what happens with human interaction.

20. Found out who your true friends were → Hell yeah!

21. Found out someone was talking about you → People love to talk about people, especially those they do not know. Haters can hate, I can't stop you.

22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list → No, any takers? Lol.

23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → I know 4 of my followers for real.

25. Do you have any pets → As a child, there was Sophie the dog and a few cats whose names have evaded me. Sorry yeh.

26. Do you want to change your name→ Nope, but when i get married I might, depending on how nice his name is, lol.

27. What did you do for your last birthday → I had a date, and a little restaurant get together.

28. What time did you wake up today → 8am

29. What were you doing at midnight last night → Disciplining my foster brother, *sigh*

30. Name something you CANNOT wait for → To find the job of my dreams!

31. Last time you saw your mother→ A few hours ago...house mates!

32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → I can be pretty rash, but I'm working on it:)

33. What are you listening to right now → X-Press 2 - Lazy ft. David Byrne

34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → There were a couple in my 6th form...

35. What's getting on your nerves right now? → At this particular moment in time I am pretty cool. Yay!

36. Most visited webpage → Hmmmm, my gmail I think.

37. What's your name→ Oi oi! That's personal! Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens.

38. Nicknames→ Big head (My cousin is a prat!), tbh honest I pretty much hate nicknames...

39. Relationship Status → Single

40. Zodiac Sign ---> Aquarius

41. Male or female or transgendered→ Female

42. Primary----- Joseph Lancaster Primary School

43. Middle School → n/a

44. High school → St. Saviours & St. Olaves CE School

45. Hair color → 1B, lol

46. Long/medium/short → Well...growing out short hair, it's now mid-length but I'm wearing a long flowing weave....

47. Height → 5"7

48. Do you have a crush on someone? → Mmmm-hmmm, ooooo yeah! *wink*

49: What do you like about yourself? → Errrrrr...I'm a Brit. I hate these types of questions! Narcissistic any? *rolling eyes*

50. Piercings → Yep, I'm thinking of becoming addicted...

51. Tattoos → No, still contemplating...

52. Righty or lefty → Righty

FIRSTS :

53. First surgery --- Ummm? *shrugs*

54. First piercing → Ears

55. First best friend → Shola when we were at Jo Lancs!.

56. First sport you joined → Netball

57. First pet → Sophie

58. First vacation→ Germany

59. First concert → Mary J. Blige...or was it Whitney....*shrugs again*

60. First crush → Akwasi *blushes*

RIGHT NOW:

61. Eating → Not a thing.

62. Drinking..... Nothing, but thanks for the reminder. I'm thirsty, brb.

63. Already missing→ The sun, she had her hat on, but now she's gone away :(.

64. I'm about to → Complete a job application...oh JOY.

65. Listening to → K. K. Fosu - Number One

66. Thinking about → Getting some new contact lenses...this is ridiculous. I'm squinting. KMT.

67. Waiting for → My date tomorrow :D

YOUR FUTURE :

68. Want kids? → Yep, God said go forth and mutiply. I'm serious about THAT one! *wink*

69. Want to get married? → Yep.

70. Careers in mind → Public or social policy formulation.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

71. Lips or eyes → Oooooo, eyes...NO...lips...actually, must have at least one of the two (I know that is such a cop-out, but don't start).

72. Hugs or kisses → Hugs all the way, they never get old for me.

73. Shorter or taller → Taller, I'm not a fan of the vertically challenged. Soz.

74. Older or Younger → Older, tried younger recently (never again....)

75. Romantic or spontaneous → Romantic, I'll do spontaneous.

76. Nice stomach or nice arms → Arms, how can you have a nice stomach and crappy arms? Ewwwwwwwwwww

77. Sensitive or loud → Loud, LOUD. LOUD.

78. Hook-up or relationship → Too old for hook ups man, c'mon....

79. Trouble maker or hesitant→ Looking to minimise the drama, so I wanna try a hesitant dude for once.

HAVE YOU EVER :

81. Drank hard liquor → Oh yes :D

82. Lost glasses/contacts → All the damn time.

83. kissed on 1st date – Yep.

84. Broken someone's heart → Apparently. He's suuuuuch a liar thou!

85. Had your own heart broken → Yep.

86. Been arrested → No, actually. I'm almost surprised.

87. Turned someone down → That's a constant if you are a black girl in south London. Guys out here are DETERMINED boi. 9 times out of 10 it's NOT a good look. In case your wondering...

88. Cried when someone died → Yep.

89. Liked a friend that of the same sex? →I know what your getting at although I could play dumb, but no.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself → It's a must...

91. Miracles → Yes I do.

92. Love at first sight → Errrrrr...NAH!

93. Heaven → Yep, yep.

94. Santa Clause → KMT, what do you think this is?

95. Kiss on the first date? → Kiss away!

96. Angels → Yep.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yesss...

98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → Don't do that mess, it's too much like hard work.

99. Wish you could change things in your past?→ Who doesn't?

100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths? → This is a pretty silly question...

Of Links...and Celibacy

2010-04-01T17:21:00.005+01:00

I got an issue...

An old erhmmm, friend and I recently starting talking. I got a bit silly and excitable...and, hell, I was bored. So I decided to see if I could spark up some interest in me. Sure enough three days later Rude Boy is talking about links. Now, I am a woman and I have needs blah, blah, blah...but me and dude have always been strictly friends. And I'm celibate right now (yay for me! :D) so I don't even wanna mix it up, not looking for a link. Now I know that to a certain extent I have been gassing to this dude, basically just chatting nonsense...to an extent. And I know you can't kid a kidder, and that has always been him for sure. I know Rude Boy is gassing too, but I just don't know how far...Hmmm. Problem is he really does have my attention now. And for some unknown (ok, maybe not exactly unknown) reason I informed Baby Boy of this potential new link. Now the shit has hitteth the fanneth...Someone confiscate my BB cuz the devil sure does make work for idle hands...

Life has been a bit flat recently and this is definitely interesting...

Music: Anthony Hamilton

2010-03-23T10:44:00.006Z

This post is dedicated to the smooth Neo-Soul tones of the man, Anthony Hamilton. If you don't know; GET TO KNOW. Period.

I think this man's voice is beautiful. I mean literally the first time I heard him, I turned around to stare at the radio, like, woooooooooooooooah, who is THAT? I remember the first time I watched Coach Carter, I was grabbed my the theme tune to the film which is, Comin' From Where I'm From. I was so agitated by the haunting, sad and beautiful quality of the song I went on a mini mission to find it, and who did I find? None other than the magnificent Mr. Hamilton.

So I go the song, then the album Coming From Where I'm From then other albums and even went backwards to find him in the archives.

Now anyone who knows me knows I probably have too much music, seriously, I have to catch myself from time to time to stop it being an obsession. A very real obsession. So anyhooo my iTunes is shuffling through my Neo-Soul and this beautiful music comes out of the lappy to seduce my ears...Charlene. So i'm gonna give you my 5 favourite Anthony Hamilton songs, be warned they may well be sad, it's tear-shedding stuff!

Here we go:

PASS ME OVER

This song is so beautiful it used to make me cry.

DEAR LIFE

CHARLENE

CAN'T LET GO

SOUL'S ON FIRE

This helped we wallow then come through the worse break up of my life :(

Music: Take That

2010-03-21T18:48:00.005Z

As a child I was never much of a Take That fan but when they came back all mature and smooth (minus the curtains, lol) I was transformed into a bona fide fan.

Seriously, I love them.

Now, I am blessed enough that I have a varied set of friends and am not constrained to 'black music' which is an annoying self-inflicted and idiotic mindset, but I'll save those feelings for another post. And since I'm kinna hurt and confused.com about my relationships; or lack thereof. A particular two songs are calling out to me...Patience, because I need certain people to exercise some and then Rule The World which has such a sweet message.

So enjoy.

Excerpt of Patience lyrics...

"Just have a little patience
I'm still hurting from a love I lost
I'm feeling your frustration
Any minute all the pain will stop.

Just hold me close inside your arms tonight
Don't be too hard on my emotions.

[Chorus:]
'Cause I
Need time
My heart is numb, has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little patience...."

Excerpt of Rule The World lyrics...

"You light the skies, up above me
A star, so bright, you blind me, yeah
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t fade away, don’t fade away-

Oh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world-
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world-

If walls break down, I will comfort you
If angels cry, oh I’ll be there for you
You've saved my soul
Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now ..."

Still Dying; Soon Dead

2010-03-19T19:29:00.004Z

A rose by any other name is still a rose;

And dead by any other measure is still dead.
When I needed you you were still eyeing daisies,
And I haven't forgotten--
As I gaze at our dead petals on the floor.

I've seen you look back in wonder,
You've seen the shrivelled stalk
Of our once majestic rose.
You see but you don't perceive;
You read but you do not comprehend.

Roses that seem dead need tending
But look closely and you'll find a cutting.
A small memory or connection between us.
If you replant it
And tend it, it will grow.

Never a replacement--
But hardy, it will grow and remind us
Of the need to tend our friendship
That it's never really dead if you catch it in time.

But you're still caught up in daisies--
Forgetting they are weeds
That come and go.
That multiply when you are not looking
That respond to their own requirements.

They'll never give you what that rose did.
And I see you glancing at those petals again
Blowing in the wind.
A word of warning to the wise,
Do not let them blow away,
By then your cutting will be impossible
And the flower will be dead.

Monday Rant!

2010-03-15T20:47:00.002Z

Hey guys,

As usual it's Monday and I feel like venting. Here we go:

FIRST, of all I work part-time in a job I hate but essentially depend on while I am looking for something better....yada, ya, right? Except I just officially found out that I am entitled to about 3 days holiday because I was put on a contract that I DID NOT WANT of 16 hours. But most weeks I work a straight 40 hours. WTF?!?!?!?!

Since I started working in said shithole (a year and a half) I have taken NIL holidays because just as I was informed today...

A. The rest of the holiday period for this year has been taken up by other people I was first told...sucks for me, but fine, right?

B. I was just informed that someone has managed to get themselves two weeks holidays starting tomorrow. EH?!

C. When I went back to find out if I can get some holiday since I have not had any for a year and a half. Errrrrr...I got a big fat no. As I am not priority for holiday. Apparently a load of people have holidays to take by the end of the holiday year and since I am technically part-time and the holidays include days like Christmas I have TOO FEW holiday days left for them to worry about.

D. So basically I get no holidays for a year and a half, in a job that is murdering me from my brain out, slowly day by day.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

And one of the few people I do not want to kill in that job is ecstatic as she has left, another is leaving in three weeks and I go a new rejection letter from a job in my inbox. AND, yet again we lost our taxable bonus (I swear bonus' should not be taxable!)!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I HATE MONDAYS!

non-Monday Rant: The BNP is an affront to this country!

2010-03-13T12:58:00.003Z

Am I the only person who thinks that it is a joke for the BNP to be forced to accept non-whites and then claim they are therefore no longer racist?

Their propaganda is disgusting:

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Their ways are revolting:

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A technicality in race-relations law has now been pushed down their thoughts and they want to claim they are now equal opportunities?! I know this hit the UK news a few weeks back now, but I had not had the chance to post this and voice my outrage. They should not be allowed to exist altogether!

But yesterday while watching the best show in the world (Newsnight), I see that they were taken to court because their ammendments are not in the 'spirit' of anti-discriminatory law. All new members will be subjected to a two hour home 'interview' to assess their suitability for the party. The authorities correctly saw this as an attempt to bully, intimidate and discourage new non-white potential candidates and they have been forced to further ammend their constitution.

While I applaud the work of the Equality and Human Rights Commission who have now landed the BNP with a wacking great legal bill of £70k, I do wonder what the point is of it all. I mean as a black person I could never join them. What could they possibly mean by insisting members continue in the creation, fostering, maintenance and existence of the integrity of the indigenous British'? WTF?! Who the hell are the 'indigenous' British? In my opinion, there is no such thing in the melting pot of ethnicities and nationalities that make up the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland...but the debate continues. The BNP are an inflammatory a scourge on this country and I HATE THEM! But while I recognise this, I'm worried about those who could be brainwashed into joining them. It would almost buy this pack of losers some kind of veil of decency and THAT would be really worrying!

It rare for me to support The Sun newspaper, but this is honestly accurate:

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Happy Independence Day!!!!

2010-03-06T19:09:00.003Z

I have been strangely busy and thus a bit M.I.A. the past couple of months but I could not let today go by without a little message to wish my country, Ghana, and it's people a Happy Independence Day. However you chose to celebrate, please just remember that a struggle happened and some 53 years ago today Ghana, led by Osagyefo Kwame Nkrumah, become the first sub-Saharan African country to gain her independence.

And whatever our problems and difficulties, trials and under achievements we have come far, and have much to be proud of! And it is up to us Ghanaians now at home and throughout the diaspora to carry the baton and move us on.

GOD BLESS OUR HOMELAND GHANA,

AND MAKE OUR NATION GREAT AND STRONG.

BOLD TO DEFEND FOREVER,

THE CAUSE OF FREEDOM AND OF RIGHT.

FILL OUR HEARTS WITH TRUE HUMILITY

MAKE US CHERISH FEARLESS HONESTY

AND HELP US TO RESIST OPPRESSORS RULE

WITH ALL OUR WILL AND MIGHT FOREVER MORE.

Amen.

The Dead Flower of Friendship

2010-01-20T17:43:00.004Z

We stare at its beauty

Its lingering haunting essence;

It consumes us.

But then suddenly in what feels like a flash

There is a jarring movement--

And all that remains in the surrounding grass

Is a sad lone stalk.

This pitiful headless flower,

Which once resided, peacefully,

Beautifully,

Effortless in its grace;

A head of perfect petals

With a core which links them companionably

And emits a sweet fragrance

Which we trust.

A few minutes ago I stroked those petals

And smelt that familiar smell

As i marvelled at its apparently solid core

Then you pushed past and snatched it away

In your eagerness to cherish it

You pulled too tight

And headless, its beauty fades.

You crushed its pretty petals brutally

What was sweet is now cloying.

I watch aghast, tears streaming

While you gaze at a neighbouring flower.

A different flower;

A pretty little daisy.

So enraptured are you with the new;

Not realising that many of the same are around;

You do not even notice

The crushed petals of our friendship

In the dead rose on the floor.

A Devastated Nation: A Word On Haiti

2010-01-14T15:34:00.006Z

Say a prayer for Haiti please!

What this one country has had to endure by itself is outside of enough. Since the 1990's and a whole heap of man-made problems, it seems every few years the country has to suffer some type of devastation. I'm watching the news and just crying. God, please help the people of Haiti!

I have never fully understood the wonder of social networking until now, seriously thank God, for Twitter, Facebook and Skype! Unlike what happened in New Orleans which still saddens me, it is at times like this that I am proud of the entire human race because there has been such an outpouring for these people even in these cash-strapped times. They need our prayer and our financial support too...

Prayers are free, but financially you can help in the following ways:

Donate to UNICEF
Donate to CARE
Donate to Christian Aid
US ONLY - Donate to 'Red Cross' via sms, text 'HAITI' to the International Red Cross @ 90999
US ONLY - Donate to 'Yele Haiti' via sms, text 'YELE' to Yele Haiti's Earthquake Relief @ 501501

Other ways of helping found of facebook...

American Airlines taking doctors and nurses to Haiti for free!! Please call 212-697-9767 i /UPS IS SHIPPING ANYTHING TO HAITI UNDER 50LBS FOR FREE, PLEASE REPOST AND PASS THIS ON... / Plz help Haiti and pass this along...Red Cross needs CREOLE speaking volunteers for a 24-hr Phone Bank! Br. Wilford @ (305) 776-6900.......

LADIES, if you would like a MAKE FUFU NOT WAR T-shirt, hit up my boy Kayobi and 100% of proceeds go the help the relief effort in Haiti.

This song just reminded me that we need each other and where we can we should help one another.

'And the only thing that can save us now, is sensitivity, and compassion'...help us to help each other...

Thank you and God Bless xXx Nsoromma

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Project 2010

2010-01-13T00:43:00.005Z

This refers to my goals for the year, I'm not really into resolutions as they are all a bit wishy-washy. But goals, goals indicate a real agenda, and when backed by vision and a plan, they make a brilliant combination. I dunno about you guys, but I always find New Year's goals particularly difficult to stick to as I loose impetus by mid-January, lol.

To combat my general lethergy (read: laziness) I started to make a plan and I intend to stick to it. Note to self: I really do need a diary for once in my life. So here are my goals and a little into my plans to achieve them.

A. Project debt-reduction
I have about £2600 in overdrafts, £250 in credit cards and £10,000 in Career Development Loan debt. I could go find my Student Loans Company and add that too but firstly, I do not earn enough for my deductions to have started yet. Secondly, in terms of looking at sorting myself this year this would be way down on the list, somwhere between 'impossible', 'I have run quite mad' and 'why should I give a hoot anyway?!'. Soooo, no. I think the best part of 13,000 is more than enough of a target.

I know compared to some, my debts are not that great and I am quite glad that I do not have loads of petty niggling debts but for me, this is a bloody mountain. Albeit it a surmountable one.

To get me started on my way to debt recovery a week ago I began to construct an excel spreadsheet which documents my current income and expenditure as well as my projected for the month. I'm quite proud of myself actually as it includes a weekly breakdown of expenses and it is quite realistic, including space for food, travel, bills, clothes and savings. As a politics and public policy graduate I spend my life writing and it is quite carthatic to complete a spreadsheet of calculations, while reminding myself I am not totally mathematically illiterate.

B. Project Re-employed
This title sounds slightly misleading since I am actually working. But to be perfectly honest I hate my job. Occasionally, I think I would rather sign on, they require the same amount of brain power. Until last year I could never understand how, or rather, why people get so upset about their jobs. You see up until last year I had only really suffered the pains of unemployment. But I discovered this past year what it feels like to be over-qualified and under-employed. It feels like crap. I think I spent a good chunk of last year being miserable about my employment status, so much so it came to a point where I said I was unemployed or refused to disclose the name of the company who happen to pay my wages. Lol.

But at church last week Pastor reminded my congregation to be thankful and basically actually recognise the blessings we have. Therefore, I recognise that I am blessed to be employed and able to pay my bills. HOWEVER, this year I am determined to progress from this point. By February I must have a new job and in order to get there I must be doing at least one application form and two CV/Cover letter applications a week. This is where the diary comes in handy. I need to break this down into a day-to-day thing in order to get this done. Also, my debt-free plan will work better in a high paid job, that gives me even more of an impetus.

C. Project Settle-Down
Lol! Interesting title, right? Well anyone who knows Nsoromma well will know that I am looking forward to being someone's missus someday in the not to distant future. However, that is not really what I am referring to! So don't get excited!

Whether I have a man in the picture or not, I am looking to round out my life in ways that I did not previously find interesting. I wanna really learn how to cook. Like a pro. Not just a Ghanaian pro, either. I wanna throwdown like a native Asian/African/European, whatever. I just now feel the need to get homely like that. I need to take better care of myself and think more about what I do so that when I am a wife and mother these things are not a burden.

It all links with my being eager to get a handle on my finances. It's mature and very necessary.

D. Project Volunteer
I've always had a soft spot for the idea of volunteering. I've basically been doing it since I was 16 in various ways. I believe you should give back to the community you came from in order to help improve your society. After all, you can't expect things to improve if YOU never do things to improve it. Last week I began to volunteer a few hours of my week to help with the admin work of my church office. Also, I am about to embark on a volunteering role for a young charity for asylum-seekers in a role I love. It's policy related!

E. Project Travel (like Ms. Lawyerlady!)
I do love Ms. Lawyerlady, even as she makes me sick! She's just about back after swanning off to Zimbabwe for a friends' wedding. In fact, my girl collects visas in her little red book like they are going for cheap. A little hobby of hers. But 2010 is my time to shine! Lol. I've not been out of the country at all in 6 years now. This must be rectified! Firstly, I know for certain that I'll be in Ghana this summer for my sisters' upcoming nuptuals. While there the ex wants me
to hop on over to Naija to visit. And just might do it. I'm going on a mini-break in February and my girl is arranging to go to Vegas in September. My deposit is already ready! Exciting days are ahead!

F. Project Get On The Road
Recently, I have been lamenting the fact that I cannot drive and do not have a car. So at the end of the month/early February I am booking a bulk of driving lessons. The sooner the better, having friends who live in the sticks in the opposite side of London is giving me a running cold and a serious lack of sleep. Transport links in South
London are soooo bad (I.e. We have no London Underground in SE!) And I'm fed up of being the last to get to places, late, and first to leave, last to arrive home. I spend half my life in the frigging cold. And in this Siberian weather I am distinctly unimpressed.

To work towards this I have begun a fund for a new car which either Foneshop boy or Dodgy boy are going to help me choose as I have zero useful knowledge of cars. Foneshop boy offered to help me save too but right now I'm not too impressed with him. But we'll save that for another post...

G. Project Stay Content
This is perhaps the most important project of all. While striving to improve my life I need to be positive and content. And the best way for me to do this has always been to stay close to my God. So that's what I'll do.

This year is gonna be a great guys. I hope it'll be as good for you.
I'll keep you updated on my goals periodically, so stay tuned.

Love ya!
Nsoromma...COTH xXx

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If You See Me On The Game With My Crew Believe I’m On My P’s & Q’s...

2009-12-31T16:35:00.006Z

I was listening to a playlist I have named Uni Days and this Kano song popped up...

I thought ok my life aint like that of the talented Mr. Robinson but I can relate to having to be on my grind in a way dissimilar to many that surround me. You better believe it! Time waits for no (wo)man and I am no exception. Recently, I have been wallowing a bit and revelling in the blah-ness but the year is fast approaching it's climax and I don't want mine to be an anti-climax. I gotsta get back on my grind! So in the past week I have revamped the CV (yet again) to take account of my new activities, details of which will drop in 2010. I am so excited and absorbed in the new direction of my life, thank you God. I'm getting in contact with people I have met networking which is a bit scary but I am thinking it will certainly be worth it and I am filing out these applications like a pro. I'm not there yet but 2010 promises to be great!

Kano's song brings to mind a conversation I had a while back with a guy I know who had a million and one excuses for being a wasteman. These included coming from a deprived area (mate, we come from the same place) and the 'system' being against him. Errr, no. He just needed to get his mind out of the 'hustler', street mentality that was keeping him bound to a life going nowhere, and I told him so. Needless to say, that did not go down too well but he needed to hear it. His bad attitude will never get him anywhere. You work with the system, while understanding it and working within it, often you can change it and in the process become master of your own situation. Say your P's & Q's...pay your dues...do what you gotsta do.

Simples.

And my posse of good mates work with this attitude too, we got goals and places to be...Ms. Lawyerlady is ever onwards and upward bound...I believe that the house will soon come. My Sister From Another Mother is nearing the end of her degree and I am sooo proud. I think possibly some people have been pleasantly surprise but not I—I always had faith in her to see this through. Love her to bits! Fly-Ass Single Mama is gearing up to begin her master's with or without baby daddy help! And my sis is getting ready to walk down the aisle. Another lil' Mama, Friday's 'Fro is also making tracks and another good friend with a baby will be re-entering education armed with a solid career plan. 2010 should be big for Ms. Design, Sankofa and Afrocentric too.

No time for slacking in 2010. I love the fact that I don't roll with waste when there is honestly so much waste out there! I'm surrounded by a good set of people and we are all on our P's & Q's in order to get where we are going, believe that!

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n.b. 'Mind your p's and q's' is an English expression which means mind your manners/says you pleases and thank yous.

It Shall, It Shall Come To Pass...

2009-12-24T00:00:00.003Z

Today I spoke to a past love *sigh* and took a well worn trip down memory lane. You see in one of my 'spring clean my life' moments I had deleted him from my phone, facebook, yada-yada, the whole shebang, we're talking the full nine-yards. Me and this dude would just always seem to be having issues, mostly trust issues. There was a time in my life when he was the only person I really depended on emotionally and I think as is usually the case, such relationships eventually become unhealthy in all manner of ways. Anyhoo, he was involved in a lifestyle that I did not agree with. He is a smart and personable man and I just didn't understand why he would stay living the way he was. But he believed it worked for him and made him happy. The whole time I was convinced he was most certainly NOT happy and that manifested itself in that he became a more and more ugly human being inside as time went on. I watched my once shy, smart friend and *sigh* lover become a nasty caricature of his former self. Believe me that was painful in more ways than one.

The one ray of hope I had about his life and the misery it had made of him is that he started to talk to me about church, he was clearly interested but very cynical. Just so he could be happy again and be that guy that I first started talking to, and reach the potential that I always saw. Maaaaan, I used to pray and I do mean pray for this guy to change. I dunno if I can get a witness to the kind of deep heart-wrenching, pleading, promising prayers that I mean. If not I'll just leave you to imagine it. But as time passed, I went from believing so hard, to praying less fervently until one day, I dunno when, I just stopped praying for him altogether.

Now if you have been keeping up with me you'd know that I've been tryna end my year on a positive note by yet again spring cleaning my life and on a whim I searched his facebook profile (reading this back is soooo making me think, stalker alert! Stalker alert!). Then I decided to poke him and then I pretty much went back to my life and forgot about him. A couple days ago I get a facebook message saying 'hey I lost your number' so I sent the number over and got a call today while at work. Just before I had 'spring-cleaned' him from my life our convo's always decended into bitching fests, either him getting ugly truths out of me about himself or other people or vice versa. So it got to the point where I had once enjoyed speaking to him from 10pm til 7am (yes, this really did happen, talk about a couple of jobless students!) now a half-an-hour convo would drive me up the wall. It'd go a little like this...

Nameless: Hey, Nsoromma you monkey wot u doing...

Nsoromma: If i'm a monkey why are you calling me? It's 2am WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME. I'm doing nothing, why?

Nameless: Are you at home? Come and see me, man. I wanna see you.

Nsoromma: Errrrr...IT'S 2 IN THE F***ING MORNING MAN. I'm not leaving my house. Get lost. What do you want?

Nameless: Ah, man nothing. You're on a long ting. Just wondering how ur ugly friend is, innit?

Nsoromma: Who is ugly? Piss off man.

Nameless: So is she still the leader of ur crew? Tehehe.

Nsoromma: Huh? Ur chatting rubbish man, ur so dumb. Who talks about crews and stuff? How old are you? You were bullied as a kid, innit?

Nameless: U wish u were like me as a kid about, I don't even know why I'm talking to you your so dumb. You got a freshie man yet? Only a freshie ever would want you...

Etc, etc...

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, so not so eventually I stopped taking his calls and he stopped calling. But just to remind you trips down memory lane were rosy, there was a time when we could stand each other and that is what probably prompted both the poke from me and the call from him. Here's a snippet of today's convo...

Nameless: Hey Nsoromma. How you doing?

Nsoromma: I'm alright you know, how are you?

Nameless: I'm cool just changing my life, I got saved

Nsoromma: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! Ahhhhhhh! For real? When? Congrats, hun!

Nameless: Yeah thanks. Back in October, just tryna get my life on track.

Nsoromma: Oh wow!

Nameless: I know. But what you been up to man. It's been ages. Been wondering how you are.

Nsoromma: I'm good,....

I can see a change even in how he speaks! He's now saved and it shows. I was on break at work when we spoke and I could have exploded with joy at that one statement. 6 years on after my tearfilled prayer. If you don't know, get to know, prayer changes things! Whatever you been praying for, or like me whatever you have prayed for and forgotten...it shall come to pass! P.U.S.H. (pray until something happens) people!

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I’m Just Tryna Be Me Doing What I Gotta Do, Some People Think That I’m Just Sitting On Top Of The World...

2009-12-18T19:15:00.004Z

Hey! After claiming I wouldn't go MIA again, here I am again having to write yet another apology note for not being here. So sorry, shame on me! Now...

I love my boy Journey's blog The Soul Of It All (you need to check it out) and reading him got me to thinking about my life and my blog. Recently I spoke to an erhm, friend of mine who really made me feel quite shame. Simply because he says I moan a lot. Actually let me be fair to his speech/lecture, he says in the past two years he cannot remember me not complaining and that is all I ever do. I'd be a liar if I didn't tell you that that convo (again, no, it was a lecture, the likes of which I haven't heard since I left uni!) bruised my ego and much as I tried to convince him that actually I am well aware of my blessings, he was not having a bar of it. I was branded a moaner and that was that!

For once, I decided to take on board his comments and use them to really analyse the way I behave. Usually, it takes me a good few days to move past the blind denial and tenderly poke at my superego until I notice what is really going on. But alas, I am way to tired and fed up to be so kind to myself. So I thought, am I a moaner?

Short answer: yes I am! Oh no!

Long answer: different people see different sides of me. Generally, I try to show the real me to everyone but different people get different facets of my personality. Some people think I am on such a hype that I may be secretly medicated while my family believe I have severely depressive tendencies. The honest truth is that, like most other people, I occupy that wonderful murky quagmire that we call life in varying shades of grey. I was a bit upset that my erhm friend, could not really understand that the reason he is privy to that side of me is because I consider him to be close to me. I don't moan to all and sundry about my life (excluding my Monday Rants to the blogosphere, obviously!). It made me realise two things, one, I need to balance up the many parts of myself to make a less fragmented whole and two, he probably doesn't deserve for me to keep him so close if he doesn't get that.

I have many blessings, some of which I listed as I signed off my last post...I'm not going to list them again as my very English upbringing finds such things more than vaguely embarrassing and slightly distasteful. But I have many things to thank my God for and really I think I will do so more often. HOWEVER,

Life has been hard recently, harder than I expected. But such is life, anaa? I know I don't have half the problems of some other friends and Fly-Ass Single Mama is such an inspiration to me. She doesn't even know this! I don't know if I have her strength but I'm learning. All I know is I am a work in process. But back to Journey...he was talking about having finally reached a place where he can reflect on his past hurts and be content. I read through a lot of what he was going through. I'm now at that uncomfortable place where I wish I was with someone but I am not so stupid that I don't realise that I am just not ready right now. But something Journey wrote really resonated with me...

'But we were only that tight because we took the time to grow into each other. I knew enough about her to feel comfortable, to trust her and to love freely...Allow yourself to naturally choose her so being with her comes naturally.'

Preachhhhhhhhhhhh! Where am I rushing to? I think I (was going to say girls and make this general but, no, I'ma finally own my own mistakes) am tooooo fast! I mean I jump from potential into a thing without giving it time to grow. So now I'm thinking of a certain Foneshop boy who is a dear, dear friend, with potential, but still only a friend. And I like it that way, who knows where the potential will lead but right about now I need time to myself! In fact, Journey is also an inspiration because I feel like I've seen him come through the pain to a healthier version of himself. I am so excited! Because one day, in the not too distant future, that will be me! But for now, I'm just tryna be me, doing what I gotta do...

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Life Check

2009-12-08T22:40:00.003Z

Hey people,

Sorry that I've been M.I.A. for while I've had a huge emotional and relationship drama recently. I don't intend to give you the full long-ass painful story right here (although that doesn't mean it won't come out anyway). Just know that I actually miss my little blog world, but life has been so hard that something had to give, and virtual friends was it (sorry!).

But I'm back now, so I'll be posting here and on Life...and Living It regularly again and keeping up with my blog friends, too. However, before I go, a question:

Why is it that life never hands out to the deserving what they deserve and gives the undeserving waaaay to many chances?

To my ex, who I know doesn't read this as he doesn't know it exists(!),

I loved you soooo much that just the thought of possibly being around you filled me with joy unspeakable. No man had ever made me feel so special or opened me up so completely. I trusted you even when everyone warned me not to and offered you my soul. I'm sure people have been hurt before and that I am neither the first nor the last to feel like this. But for some reason I feel so alone, when I think of what you did I feel physically ill. I rarely get through the day without thinking of you and how worthless you made me feel. Whenever I have a happy moment, behind it are shades of misery. I take sharp intakes of breath and double over in private when I remember you. I promised you I will never forget you, and I won't. But I hope to God that something happens to take away the pain I'm living with. You treated me to a life check. You made me pause and re-evaluate my life and myself. At first it was ugly; I hated myself and was willing to do whatever it took to change myself, not to be with you because I would never have you back, but to make myself into the kind of person who would never be treated so shabbily again. I contemplated things that have never even flitted through my mind before because of you and as much as it hurt me, I thank God I did. You treated me to a life check I will never forget. I will never be that girl again because of you.

I will never again be so young, so dumb, so naive, so gullible and so damn stupid. But the life check you gave me meant that I opened myself up to my friends, my true friends and after the self hate I came to appreciate the people I have in my life. You hurting me helped them to help me count my blessings. So I don't hate me anymore, so thank you. After all the crying, and self-loathing, and man-hating, dust and sackcloth music, I thank you. To my girls: Sankofa, Afrocentric and Friday's 'Fro...thank you for your support, my sister, my cousin, Ms. Lawyerlady, Ms. Design, Foneshop Boy, Dodgy Boy, Fly-Ass Single Mamma and everyone else who helped to pick the shattered shards of my self-esteem off the floor, I thank you.

This is a painful and long-ass process but I can see the other side. Already I have made some positive changes. It's all about perspective. I am a master's holding, house-owning, smart, forward-thinking, sexy, beautiful, blessed young woman with many good years ahead of me. And you just missed out on a DAMN GOOD thing. Keep walking partner, I wish you well. As Dodgy boy said of you, you were just a squatter tryna make a permanent home out of my palace. So now, be gone!

Goodbye,

Now to the blogosphere...I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! BTW, check out my girl's blog Rantings of a Manhater. I'm sure you'll like it!

Monday Rant!

2009-11-17T01:06:00.001Z

As promised this is you second installment of the silly calamities that befall me on Monday's so here goes...

When I arrived at work I realised that I had somehow managed to set the time on my brand new phone to the wrong time. And since my real time is unfortunately troubled by GMT (Ghana Man Time), I spend most of my life running late. So today I bolted into work like demons were chasing me, as in, I ran all the way from the evil Jubilee Line platform to my workplace. Huffing and puffing like an old goat only to discover I was TWO WHOLE HOURS early. I could have cried! THEN on the way home I managed to be the ONLY PERSON in a crowd to get splashed when the bus we had waited twenty minutes for decided not to stop. When I finally got to my door I was near tears, such was my happiness just imagining the warmth on the other side, except my mum had left her keys in the door from inside so I couldn't unlock it from the outside. The doorbell is broken so I stood knocking on my own front door for AN HOUR. While my mum enjoyed an hour-long call to Ghana, her mobile was dead and the house phone was obviously engaged. Grrr!

Silver lining: The new fone I got on Sunday means I no longer have to carry a spare battery and a charger everywhere I go. Yay for me!

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I Just Don't Have The Words

2009-11-14T20:12:00.004Z

I compose stanzas in rhyme

I write verses of sweet prose

I sing lyrics of all genres

I recite and conjure poems

I pronounce decries like a queen

And think up complicated solioquies

But for some reason

I am never eloquent enough

To get you to understand

What my heart is screaming.

What Is The World Coming To?!?!

2009-11-11T13:10:00.010Z

I was doing my daily trawl through BBC News when I came across a story that made me feel genuinely ill. A 16 year old (yes, remember I said a 16 year-old) boy has been detained to face 3 years in custody for the kidnap and rape of a 5 year-old child.

But that's not all folks!

He committed this offence just 8 days after being released from custody for raping a seven year-old. Seriously, I am aghast! What is the world coming to? How can a teenager rape a child? How can that teenager be allowed to walk free? How can the same said teenage kidnap a child and commit the same offence again? This beggars belief! What are the authorities doing?!?!

I want to know who was in charge of this teenager. But I don't even know who to be sorry for. Is it those who clearly cannot control this boy, are they afraid or just bad at their jobs? Is it the boy? I mean what kind of twisted, miserable person does such thing, and so young! The boy must have the deepest of issues. It doesn't excuse the behaviour but I cannot help but feel this boy is probably well deserving of my pity.

But most of all my heart goes out to the two children, attacked because of the deranged mind of someone only a little older than them. Rape is a horrible thing to have to deal with. How much more so for children so young? I pray that they get through it.

An upset Nsoromma xXx

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Monday Rant!

2009-11-09T23:29:00.004Z

This is going to be a new and somewhat bizarre feature to my blog...I'm calling it my Monday rant. Just because Monday's are the crappiest days ever. It's always the day work feels agonisingly horrible or the day you go out without an umbrella and get caught in a downpour or something. So here goes my first (of many) Monday rant.

Today was abysmally crap. As in I woke up late, my bus was late my Train cancelled and the tube seriously delayed. ALSO, it's so frigging cold and true to form I lost one glove so one hand froze. Oh joy! THEN, I was speaking to a cute guy flashing him all of my pearly whites, only to release when I looked down that my fly was open...Lordy! Man....I hate Mondays!

N.B. But one a much, much brighter note I just checked my mail and I have a job interview on Friday! Woo-hoo!

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Book Review: ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ by Khaled Hosseini

2009-11-05T10:52:00.005Z

Recently I have been in a bit of a reading frenzy to alleviate some of the current boredom and drudgery of the life of a job hunter. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoy reading, but it's all come back now. So much so that I have read 4 books in two weeks! I reviewed one of them over on my other blog, Life...and Living It, which you can check out here. So here comes my second book review since I was, like 13 or something. Lol. Hope you like it!

Title: A Thousand Splendid Suns

Author: Khaled Hosseini

First published: 2007

Story: The book set, in Afghanistan, starts with Mariam, who is a harami (tr. Bastard, illegitimate child) living an isolated life in a hut on the outskirts of a small village with her sick mother. Mariam and her mother are outcasts due to her mother's illness and Mariam's illegitimacy and this has left her mother a bitter, spiteful old woman. Mariam's father is a wealthy man of Herat with three wives and ten legitimate children who comes to visit his daughter once a week. Despite her mother's disapproval, Mariam builds a strong relationship with her father. Following a broken promise from her father for Mariam's fourteenth birthday, the child sets out to find her dad. With her mother's threats and pleadings that she cannot survive even a day without her daughter ringing in her ears, Mariam leaves the village, somehow making her way to her father's house in Herat. She refuses to leave until she sees him but he will not see her. The following day, after spending the night sleeping in front of his house, she is chauffeured home, where she is met with the suicide of her mother. In the midst of Mariam's blame-filled mourning her father and his wives arrange for her to marry a widower many years her senior and be hurriedly moved to Kabul to keep her harami shame from them. Married life starts off relatively well for her and her husband, Rasheed, who is kind and caring towards her. He is especially attentive when she falls pregnant and eager for a boy to replace the one who died from his first wife. Mariam miscarries and suddenly Rasheed changes towards her. He becomes brutal and harsh, and this worsens with the passage of time and each of her six further miscarriages.

The story then cuts to the life of Laila, an outstandingly beautiful and intelligent girl born to a teacher and his wife who live on the same street as Rasheed and Mariam. She was born amid political changes in Afghanistan when the Soviet's took over and many Afghan men go to jihad (tr. Holy war) against the new Soviet order including her two older brothers when she is just two years old. Under the Soviet's women, particularly in metropolitan areas like Kabul, have many freedoms to teach and to learn and Laila's dad encourages his daughter to take advantage of this. By the time she is nine, her mother resents her father for allowing the boys to go fight jihad while he stayed home. She pays Laila no attention, instead keeping vigil for her sons. So Laila grows up with the love of her father and Tariq, her childhood friend. When word reaches them that the boys have died, Laila's mother falls apart and tells her daughter the only reason she has not killed herself is so she can stay in Kabul to see the day when her son's enemies are defeated. Eventually the day comes that the Soviet's are pushed out of Afghanistan the Mujahideen many factions that fought against them come together to form an interim government. This does not last and soon they are fighting amongst themselves along ethnic lines. This fighting ravages Kabul and people close to Laila and Tariq are killed or run to neighbouring Pakistan for safety. When Tariq comes to Laila to tell her that his family are also about to leave, things become emotional and end up sleeping together. He asks her to marry and come with him but she cannot leave her father alone with her bitter, resentful mother because she is all he has left. So he leaves and she is shattered. Then after Laila is almost shot a few weeks later her mother decides that she can reluctantly leave Kabul and the family plan to go the same route as Tariq's did. Laila is estatic, believing that she will be able to find Tariq but in the middle of leaving, a rocket falls on their house and her parents are killed.

The orphaned fifteen year-old and now partially deaf Laila, comes to live in the household of Mariam and Rasheed. Rasheed decides that he will take Laila as a second wife and after a visitor come to tell Laila that Tariq died in a rocket explosion. Despite Mariam's pleas to her husband and anger at Laila, the girl agrees to the marriage immediately as she has realised that she is pregnant. Rasheed is as loving and caring to Laila as he was to Mariam in her first pregnancy, even more so in fact due to her outstanding beauty. However, Laila gives birth to a girl, Aziza, and Rasheed is furious and turns against Laila just as he did to Mariam. Over time Mariam begins to bond with the Aziza and in this way to two wives become close. They plan to run away but are caught in the process and returned to Rasheed who beats them senseless. Meanwhile the political situation is Afghanistan is charged because a generation of religious Afghan's raised in Pakistan have come together to put an end to the Mujahideen infighting and put Afghanistan back together, they are the Taliban. When the Taliban finally arrive in Kabul people are happy and hopeful that the fortunes of Afghanistan are finally turning. The Taliban rule turns out to be worse than that of the Mujahideen warlords, there are massive restrictions on freedom such as having to practise Islam or face death, and no frivolous activities such as singing, dancing or watching TV are allowed. Women specifically had even further restrictions, they were forbidden to work, must wear a burqa (tr: full body covering, showing only the eyes) as opposed to a hijab (tr. Headscarf), forbidden to go to school, to leave the house without familial male escort and are even forbidden to laugh in public. In this context the unhappy Laila falls pregnant again and this time bares him his longed-for son, Zalmai, after this he has no further interest in her. But the country is facing a three-year draught induced famine and when Rasheed's shop burns down the family are soon fighting starvation. The situation gets so bad that Laila is forced to send Aziza to an orphanage and when Rasheed will not take her she has to sneak her way there often beaten badly for being out without a male escort.

A man comes to visit when Rasheed is out at work and Zalmai immediately takes a disliking to him. When Laila turns to see who it is, she realises it Tariq. Rasheed had paid a man to come and tell Laila Tariq was dead because he had wanted to marry her. When Rasheed returns from work Zalmai tells his father about Tariq showing up at which point Rasheed locks his son in a room and proceeds to beat Laila with the buckle side of his belt but Mariam jumps on him raining punches. When he turns to fight her, Laila smashes something into his head so he turns to strangle her, even with Mariam punching him from behind he keeps on, even when Laila's face turns blue. So Mariam gets a shovel and hits him hard once and then again when she realises that he will kill them all. The second blow is fatal. Mariam tells Laila that she and the children must run away with Tariq to Pakistan but she must stay behind and own up to Rasheed's murder or else they will all be hunted down and killed. Laila is distraught but Mariam is okay because she did it for Laila and the children to be free. Laila and her children leave with Tariq and Mariam is executed for her crime. Laila and Tariq marry when the reach Pakistan and live there until the Taliban is beaten by the allied forces. Following this they return to help rebuild their country.

Review: I do not have the tendency to cry when I read a book or watch a film that is sad but with this book I was sorely tempted. It is a beautifully crafted tale, complexly and expertly written. It tells a political history, a societal history, and a love story all at the same time but amazingly I feel that no one story loses out. By the end of this book I understood a bit more the political complexities that exist in Afghanistan and how and why the ordinary Afghan may feel conflicted over what is happening there. This side is told in a non-judgemental way that does not feel as though it is trying to make excuses for people it just explains and leaves me to come to my own conclusions. The social history of women in Afghanistan is also well chronicled in this book and Hosseini makes a good case in this book for the plight of women in his country. And although I do not disagree with what his book is saying about the maltreatment of women I feel it is slightly preachy on this. Or perhaps it is the way is should seem in the context of the story of two women? Nonetheless, I stand by my view that on this issue the book is a bit preachy and I must admit that if I had read the book without knowing the author I would have immediately guessed it was written by a man. The accounts are as honest as they can be but the complaint of how women were treated seems to more like those that would come from a man who empathises with their position then from a woman who lived it. The love story too is complex. Laila's story shows how love for your family and your children interplays with the way people are allowed to live their life and can constrain them from the most direct route to the happiness that is staring them in the face. I like that. It makes the love story real somehow. It's not just a case of star-crossed lovers overcoming their obstacles and love wins out in the end, or they die heroically for their love. Instead once they finally get together, Laila and Tariq still have to deal with the losses that brought them to that point. The death of their parents, the effects of Tariq's troubles on his health, the pain of guilt for lying to Zalmai about the truth of his father's death and the guilt for the sacrifice Mariam made for them all, all of these things make their love story more real and beautiful in the context of the world they lived in. I applaud Hosseini for this book which is a good way to make the average 'westerner' open his eyes and mind to what actually happened to Afghanistan, telling him things about the conflict that he otherwise would not have known. It is so unfortunate that this book will forever be compared to Hosseini's first book because I think it comes second to it. I prefer his first book, The Kite Runner, if I am honest, but nevertheless this is a thoroughly uncomfortable but damn good read. I put it down only to sleep or go to work and read the 360+ pages in less than two days!

Ratings: I give this book four little nsoromma's out of five. (4/5 stars)

The Obama Silence Is Deafening

2009-11-04T13:57:00.006Z

My girl Agnes Agyapong has reminded me of something which had slipped my mind today, shockingly...

Today marks a year since Barack Obama came to office and the world went collectively mad. I think I should remind people of the fever pitch that had spread from America and affected the world. Liberal American's seemed to think that the Democrats had somehow got a black Jesus running for them, African's claimed him as one of their own because he is half-Kenyan and therefore about to drag the continent out of it's abject poverty and us Brits...well I don't really know why but Obamamania had us to in it's clutches and refused to let go. People were hosting Obama parties, in fact I have never seen Brits embrace American's in quite this way, we don't tend to respect American's, at least not so effusively in the open. But here it was! The Obama, 'Yes we can' magic was breathtaking in that manner.

Now a year on...all I hear is deafening silence. Agnes argues that the silence is because people have realised that Obama is not God come to save us all. I must say I tend to agree, but also I think people being people are always circling like sharks after building up someone so high. On the one hand, there are those who always detested him and that rose as his popularity did. Then on the other hand, there were people who were so so influenced by the hype they really did believe he would be some single-handed world messiah. There were so many people in each camp that a year on there are enough of the unrealistic and disappointed to mingle with those who never liked Obama and what results is this resounding and sullen silence and disinterest. All I can say as a mild supporter is that I am glad of the silence because now people might leave him some space to do what he wanted to do so now 'yes WE (as in everyone) can'!

Disappointment, and other stories

2009-11-03T23:12:00.003Z

So Sunday was my boyfriend's birthday and they day I lost my mind. It's been a long time since I've been so thoroughly disappointed. I planned to spend the day with him and he told me that he would be at home all day so that was cool. Yay. I was ecstatic, as in pure euphoria. I've never been so damn happy to spend time with another human being IN MY LIFE. Like ever. Well as I say this I'm sure that I've probably felt close to this before. Really close but this was different. This was amazing, my heart was doing little running leaps and skipping every so often just thinking about this amazing quality time we were finally going to have together. My planning and preparation for this day had been in a word, crap. I mean end of the month/beginning of the month time is when all the direct debits come out and you realise that you must really get out of debt (this is not my portion, I am in the middle of sorting out my debt-free plan thanx to this blog). Nonetheless I gathered as much money (that I do not have) together as I could to try a give this boy something that shows how much I care.

At first I was gonna get him this really nice scarf (that a mate could get with a discount for me, can I get a hallelujah!), but then I realised he has something very similar. Darn it! Then I decided that I would send him a poem that I saw on Love Affair with Words which shows just how I feel sometimes when I'm with him but can't explain even half as eloquently. BTW, if you haven't please check out her blog, chick is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Honest. Anyway, I'm running around like a headless chicken finding a beautiful frame to put this amazing poem in. Then I find it, perfect size and everything! So i'm in my happy glow when I call Afrocentric and tell her a little bit of my plans for the day and generally give her my love as she's been feeling poorly (get well soon my sugar banana!). So I had texted him earlier to say I'd call after church so I call and get no response. Ok cool. I rush home and check what I have at home to cook, oh dear, nothing. So I make a reservation at a nearby(ish) restaurant that I can (just about) afford. I'm tidying up my house and singing along to Christiana Love and Kwaku Gyasi and miss his call by about 15 minutes. I call back. No response. Ok cool, turn my music back up and continue my happy caterwauling then my mum tells me she's off to work a night shift and I'll see her tomorrow morning. So I check my clock, an hour has passed since my call back. I call again, no response. *sigh* I'm starting to get a little irritated, I hate waiting. Plus he said he had nothing doing today so what the hell?!

To cut a long-ass story short, the little prick doesn't show and doesn't call either, even though my calls continue. No longer am I just seeing what's up, by the end of the night I'm just pissed off and upset and confused. Oh and did I mentioned, I'm seriously pissed off. His ass is soo lucky he never turned his phone off or cancelled a call or full scale war would have broken out.

Now I'm not (well at least I don't think I am) an unreasonable lass, sure on your birthday you are free to do as you wish. BUT, if you say you are going to see someone then the least you can do is let them know you can't make it. And if that someone is your girlfriend then it should be a call, an apology and an explanation. In that order. And to add some context for those of you who are still insisting I am being unreasonable, read this post add to that the fact that I haven't seen him in A MONTH even though we live pretty much in the same area. Now tell me I'm being unreasonable.

Herein lays stories of disappointment, embarrassment, confusion, self-loathing, pain and anger.

I haven't explained the self-loathing have I? Well put it this way...After all of that still
I love him. Fuckeries.

Ensuro Dɛn Ɔtamfo Bɛ Yɛ...

2009-10-27T10:11:00.009Z

(tr: Do not fear what the enemy will do)

This morning I woke up feeling good with songs of praises and encouragement on my lips African (GH) stylie....

Christiana Love and Kwaku Gyasi - Mesuafre Awurade

I'm loving this song at the moment introduced to me by my girl Sankofa.

Christiana Love - Memma Me Wirenfi

This is also another current fav.

Ama Boahemaa - Awurade Woba Eko

The first (and so far only) time I went to GH, this was one of the gospel songs that was everywhere! I went out and bought the album I was so in love but Aunty Adwoa 'borrowed' it so all I have left is to listen to it on YouTube....

Esther Smith - Ensuro

I'm an Esther Smith fan for days!!!! This woman produces songs that call out to me. Love this one.

Esther Smith - Gye No Di

...And an-o-ther one! Great for worship time.

Esther Smith - Agyidifɔ Ataban

I told you I stan for this lady, this is my fav of all time!

Cindy Thompson - Awurade Kasa

This is a general Ghana gospel great song. You can feel the emotion in this song...she is singing speak to me Lord so my heart can be at rest....

Diana Antwi-Hamilton - Ensi Wo Yie

This is the Diana Hamilton who was my youth choir leader for a lil' while (when I used to inflict my voice on the poor people at FGT!). This was a wonderful day, Diana we need another one!

Kwaku Gyasi - Onyame Aseda Yebebree

This song is so upbeat...enjoy!

Midnight Crew - Igwe

Now for a little Naija flavour, to leave you on a high...you know ur lying if you don't like this song!

Have a blessed day people

xXx NsorommaCOTH

My Silence

2009-10-26T23:45:00.001Z

Here's some badly written poetry from my uni days....I'm feeling it today. Whaddya think?

It’s funny but I can’t even talk these days

All I do day by day is hide away

Inside I’m so withdrawn from things.

It’s the only way to stay safe from what life brings.

Something is broken deep down inside

Will it ever fix so I can fling my arms wide?

I want so badly to participate again

But if I’m hurt again will I recover from the pain?

Right now I feel like I’m barely able to breathe.

In this state mere tears is more than I can hope to achieve.

Am I weak Lord to feel like this,

When Jesus, the only righteous Lamb was betrayed with a kiss?

So is this my turn, my betrayal, from one I love?

To hurt me so true when I though he was the hand to my glove?

Or is it more like the trials of your servant Job,

His faith so strong the enemy though he tried couldn’t make him sob.

But am I failing because I weep within?

Is it the trials of faith or penance for sin?

I feel so low and unworthy before you,

Always you loved me but forever I couldn’t stay true.

I’m a failure Lord please forgive your child,

I’ve lost all urges I once had to be wild.

I pray that you’ll grant me your perfect peace,

So the pain will go; and the numbness cease.

By your side and in your will, I aim to depart never,

Because through you alone can I be a happy child forever.

I thank you for all you’ve done for me,

I’m so lucky that my Father you’ll always be!

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Being A Mate

2009-10-25T18:11:00.000Z

Recently I have been a tad worried about the kind of friend I am. Situations and life in general have got me so that many people have been left behind and out of my life.

I read the article How to be a better friend on Deliciously Sunsational and it really set my mind to work. Am I the kind of friend I would want? I mean I'm far from perfect and striving to get there everyday but am I really doing enough? So I decided to look at what I want in a friend and see if I fit my own criteria..

1. Trustworthy - This is key...I mean who want's a friend that they can't trust. If I tell you something and I hear about it from someone else then obviously I am going to question our friendship (cue cries of 'how could she do that to me?'). It's a simple enough request but how many of us do this in reality. Sometimes we want perspective on something we have been told by our friend in order to give them better responses which is a fair point, but as a friend should you really be doing that? Other times, people use their 'friendship' with one person as gossip fodder and that can never be right.

2. Honest - I guess this goes hand in hand with being trustworthy, in that a dishonest person is never trustworthy but an honest one might be. Hmmmm...let's take a moment to ponder...A honest person can be untrustworthy??? Oh yes!! For instance I could tell you something which I would rather you didn't share but not put that stipulation on you (because I am assuming you have the common sense to know that I do not want you telling Sarah that I think her boyfriend is an ass even though he is ). When I later ask if it was you who told Sarah my view and you tell me yes then you're honest but cannot keep my business to yourself. Now before people get up in arms, I will happily say I have friends in this category. I prefer the honesty about an inability to keep your mouth shut to the staring deep into my eyes to tell me you would never do such a thing when you have. I have evidence on tape.

3. Available - Now call me needy, self-absorbed, whatever, but if you are supposed to be my friend then when I am rushed to hospital/lost my cat/broke up with my boyfriend/bored or otherwise need you, you don't just become unavailable. Hold on a sec, I'm not a brat, you have a life, I have a life and we both need to live them but the girl who never makes it out to my birthday, never come to see me in hospital and refused to hold my hand when my cat died is NOT my friend. Busy is understandable, permanently unavailable is not.

4. Supportive - Again ties in with emotional availability, I have friends who have been in different continents who have supported me through life better than those who live up the road and round the corner. Being supportive is knowing I have exams sending me an encouraging text and promising to see me for post-exams tears/drinks. The unsupportive friend demands that I come out to the rave her ex-boyfriend's, younger sister's, bestfriend's boyfriend is throwing and saying that failure to attend means the end of our friendship.

5. Brutal - Now that sounds plain wrong! But if my supposed best mate is sleeping with my man, my uncle is hitting on you or you know why my lecturer keeps failing me because my work sucks you must tell me. It's imperative and very, very scary but it has to be done. The people who have kindly and tactful told me the painful brutal truth are people who mean the world to me. Better put, the people who have withheld this kind of information are generally considered scum of the earth material.

Now do I fit these categories? True question, am I? I mean I want to be the model friend and I'd like to tell you that I am. But honestly, I don't believe that to be the case at all. I do fail at each of the stages I am afraid to say but to all myb firneds out there, old and new, I pray that I can work on this part of myself and become the best friend I can be.

Love you all,

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens xXx

Image Credits

Something To Relieve the Blah-ness...

2009-10-17T00:51:00.006+01:00

Hey people,

I know it's been a lil' while. I am still here with a million and one half finished blog posts to my name. I really must finish some of them but I'm feeling a bit...well...blah, for want of a better word. You know the feeling, where you have things to do, don't want to do them, generally melancholy for no genuine definable reason...it's just...blah. You know? Anyhoo, I've been jamming a lot to my music in this introverted period (which may in some part contribute to the blah-ness) and here's one from my cheerie 'summer' pile to keep you (and I) going and away from the blahs until I get on a finish these darn posts.

See ya soon,

N xXx

Jokes!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-10T18:05:00.004+01:00

Before you look at this, I know i'm wrong but last year on the way to church (OMD on the way to church not less...) I was sitting next to a lady and I caught a glimpse of her feet. Lordy, LORDY, would you cop a look at these bad boys! Her toes were hanging over the edge and talk about hard, dry flakes around her toes...ewwwwww! I resolved to myself then and there as I looked the other way and popped my phone out to take a silence snap that a footfile will be my BFF until I die!

A Change Is Gon' Come...

2009-10-08T12:40:00.007+01:00

Why is it people always try to convince you that a wealth of choices is a good thing. It is not! It is NOT! I feel like I've reached (yet another) critical juncture in my life, with many many choices and I don't know what to do! Here's what I do know (short list):

I know I need a job (as in a proper one, the one I have at the moment sooooo doesn't count). I know I need to keep sending CV's and covering letters, filling out evil application forms and being open about networking my way into a job, but honestly I'm sick of it! I feel like I'm turning circles and getting nowhere.
I know that I need to better organise my time. I never seem to have enough of it, I'm sick of forever running late and forever running low on the energy required to speed me up to catch-up in my own life!
I know that I want to be with this dude. However, I'm not sure if it wise and I don't know how in HELL. I'm going to cope with the BMD (baby-mama drama) which seems sure to follow.

I know that I need to work on my finances. But than that just sends me back into a stress about job hunting....pleeeeeeeeeease let's not go there again, yeah?
I know that I want to work on my relationship with God. This is a no brainer for me I guess because I just have to do it...but then comes up the genuine, 'I have no time' which for some reason always sounds insincere. And I guess if I could become a little more organised...

Come to think of it if I sort out my relationship with God I'd probably be able to sort out all the rest, right? But honestly, it's all so very frustrating! I keep thinking that whatever decision I do make may end up shaping me for life. And that's a scary thought!

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Happy!

2009-10-06T01:37:00.001+01:00

I'm such a saddo! Why? Because right now I'm just so darn happy. I mean as I sit here writing this, it's funny because I'm in a room with two other people watching BBC News 24, I'm doing exactly what I spent my 4-hour-shift doing....fantasising about HIM. I can't help it, maaaaaaaaan, I can't help it. But just thinking about him is making me smile. I feel relieved that I'm feeling something again. It's soooo sad but I feel hopeful, and happy again!

A Day of Epic Proportions

2009-10-04T00:34:00.007+01:00

Today was a spectacular day. I did see this boy who had me all shaky. We spoke and cried and kissed and for the first time since we split up well over a year ago I realised what I had missed about him. He makes me laugh. He's sweet and caring and oh-so considerate when he's near me. Ok, ok, ok...let me stop there because I am well aware that I am waxing lyrical about this guy. Let me put my feet back on the ground and remember, he is a man and much as I care for him he is still fallable. But right now it's really hard for me to remember that. So bare with me.

But going back a bit in the day, he called me straight out of work and was like 'baby, I know how long it takes you to get ready sometimes so I'm giving you a head start. I'll be at yours to see you in about 20 minutes'. Ok, cool. That sent me into a full whirring mess, my room was a tip within 5 minutes trying to figure out what to wear and trying not to have my broad grin develop into a headache later on. My gosh, I was grinning HARD!

So in the middle of this my girl gives me her phone telling me someone wants to talk to me. WHO? I hear you cry. Another ex, in fact, the very one I was with between now and this first guy. It get's better. He tells me after approximately a minute-and-a-half of small talk that he wants my address as he is coming over so I should text it to him NOW. Before I can respond all I hear is a dial tone....

OH SHEEEEEEEEEEEEET! Tried calling back to convince him to reconsider his timing but I get a big fat no. He's coming with his mate who is close to my girl and they are determined. But...WAIT...it's get's even better. Both ex's arrive at approximately THE SAME TIME. I thought I was going to faint. I managed to keep them apart with quick thinking but now ex no. 2 is also in my head because I still like him and I missed him. But he seemed to miss me more and wants to 'reconnect', oh dear. But I want to see him too, oh dear. But I don't want him back but I'm not even sure that 'friendship' would work. But i'm in love with the first dude...grrrrrrrrrr.

Funnily enough, it's not like i'm confused about who I want to be with. It's just the timing of it all, it's kind of sad. Ex no. 2 may have had a chance on any other day and I don't even want to go through it with him as to why it's not going to happen again. I don't know how I would explain it. I never even explained why we broke up first time round and I'm pretty certain he doesn't know and wants an explanation.

Take it from me people, don't avoid these hard topics, they always come back to bite you! Pheeeeeeeew! What a day!

xXx Nsoromma...COTH

If you want to know more about the background of my love fiasco's both guys here are mentioned in this Life...and Living It post, can you work out which one is which?

Image credits: www.retroclipart.com/catalog/images/OhMyGosh.jpg

The Saga Continues...

2009-10-03T12:43:00.004+01:00

Has anyone else ever thought that their life is just one great big saga of drama? No? NO?! So it's just me then? Oh dear, well if you follow or have had a look at Life...and Living It you will know that my love life is something pretty amazing! To cut a long tired story short my ex has recently had a baby with some chick (got her pregnant while we were broken up, grrrrrrrrrrr) and then even more recently sent me miserable by declaring his undying love (thoughts such as knife...pain...and heart come to mind), then even more recently he told me that he really wants to try again and I should think about it.

Hmmm...well I've thought and I decide that, yeah, I do want to be with him. I'm so scared though, I know everyone makes mistakes but I really hope this isn't one. So I'm meant to be seeing him this weekend...feeling nauseous, my heart is racing and my hand shake a bit every now and then...oooh wish me luck people!

Change Today

2009-10-03T02:14:00.003+01:00

Here's a little something I wrote a couple years ago which is so relevant right now. I feel like my life was just at a cross roads but I've finally chosen a direction. Praise God!

Today, is the beginning of the rest of my life,

Today, is the day for change

No more wallowing in struggle and strife

My life I shall rearrange.

I’m not putting it off no more

TODAY! I shall begin

My ambition is not to be poor

I’ll be a wealthy woman within

To do this I need to fulfil myself

With deeper things than I do

I’m ready and willing and able to shelf

The silly things I go through

TODAY! I shall spring clean my mind

Changing my number without delay

No more uselessness in my life you’ll find

'Cuz my life re-starts today!

Today, is the beginning of the rest of my life

Today, is the day for change

No more wallowing in struggle and strife

My life I shall rearrange!

Allow Me To Introduce Myself....

2009-10-03T00:55:00.002+01:00

Hi there, with some encouragement from my friends I've decided to embark on my first individual blog. For those of you who don't know me (and even those who do!), I'll just introduce myself...

I'm Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens a.k.a. Nsoromma...COTH a.k.a. Nsoromma and on lazy days just N. A twenty-something, graduate, UK born, of Ghanaian heritage, female potential world changer I guess I'm just adjusting into my place in this world and growing up (in my head I don't feel like my teens were that long ago!). I'll just be blogging about what I like to talk about sometimes that's relationships, sometimes politics, my faith, music, sports, tv, fashion and anything else that springs to mind. Looking for a forum on which I can express myself, seek, and offer advice. So I hope you enjoy my ramblings and get to know me (just a little, I'm not advertising for stalkers here-oo!).

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens xXx